


Just Here For The Credit

by kissability



Category: Waterparks (Band)
Genre: Alternative Universe - High School, F/F, F/M, GSA Club, LGBT, M/M, Multiship, Other, Patient Geoff, Straight Boy™ Awsten, Too-Nice Geoff, alternative universe, lgbtqia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-12
Updated: 2018-06-25
Packaged: 2018-12-14 15:49:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 36,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11786379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kissability/pseuds/kissability
Summary: Awsten is a total zumiez-worker reject who's just barely skating by in his senior year; key word, barely.To get his last credit in order to graduate, he's forced to join a club by his principle. The only one still welcoming members happens to be the gay straight alliance, or GSA which Geoff, a childhood best friend of his happens to be the leader of.Problem: Awsten doesn't even know what the first letter of LGBTQIA stands for.





	1. Zumiez-Worker Reject

**Author's Note:**

> This story isn't actually coming out until IPTIP is over. I just really love these characters and figured I'd tease y'all with the first chapter.
> 
> Enjoy xx

"Awsten, I'm afraid you have to re-take your required extracurricular activity this year." The principle spoke, words slightly slurred - his voice tended to do that, but not in a charming way like someone with a lisp, but rather a way that made Awsten want to cry because it was so ridiculously annoying. 

His receeding hairline (which Awsten refused would eventually happen to him) and his weird bolo ties were annoying enough as it was, but the voice just added that extra irritation to Awsten's pre-existing edgy mood.

The teenager's two-toned eyes trailed around the small office he was stuck in for the time being. The back wall, brick that was covered with sloppily done, beige-colored paint, was crowded with dozens of trophies and ribbons, as well as a few college graduate degrees that he could only assume were the principle's. After all, they did say his name on them.

"Wait, what? Why?" Awsten replied, snapping out of his daze and adjusting his snapback awkwardly. "I don't understand, I- shit! " (his longboard fell from it's resting place against his chair, causing him to forcibly re-roll it into place), "Er, sorry. What I'm not getting here, Robbie, is why I need to join a club when I already did soccer last year, junior year."

The principle sighed loudly, lacing his fingers together awkwardly. "Awsten, you went to the first meet and skipped the rest of the year, you didn't show up to a single meeting after it. You weren't even there for yearbook photos. It doesn't count if you skip more than five meetings without decent reasons. And it's Principle Charbonneau to you."

"I do have reasons!" Awsten gasped dramatically. His best friend did theatre - he knew how to liven it up when necessary. "My dog died - I was in grieving, Robbie."

"Your dog died 32 times?" The principle asked, eyebrows raised, seemingly done with Awsten's complete and utter bullshit at this point. Awsten froze, he wasn't really expecting that response.

Awsten was just thankful his mom was at work instead of here to witness this conversation, because he was definitely in deep shit.

"Uhm... Actually, I owned 32 dogs. They all tragically passed, week by week. True story. It was an unfortunate year." Awsten mumbled, the previous confidence temporarily gone.

The principal smirked. "Well, good thing they're all, er, deceased now because you miss a single meeting of GSA this year and you don't graduate. You see, it's January, and I'm afraid that no other clubs are still accepting members at this point in the year."

Awsten's eyes widened as he reached down by his ankles, grabbing a monster energy drink that he'd brought in his bag. He undid it and took a heavily caffeinated sip, his other hand's finger pointing towards the ceiling. "Okay, one, that's cruel. Two, what if my dog actually dies or something? And three, what the fuck is a GSA?"

The principle coughed obnoxiously, as if he were about to announce something highly important, and replied. "Please watch your language and refrain from drinking carbonated beverages in my office, Mr Knight. However, GSA stands for Gay Straight Alliance, or Gender Sexuality Alliance. Can never remember which one our school chose." He responded, trailing off. "Perhaps both."

Awsten's face scrunched up slightly, head leaning toward slightly as he turned it upwards. "What?" He asked. "Sir, I-I'm not gay. I'm like, super masculine. Can't you see? I have my longboard here and everything. I can't join a club for gay people... That's not how this works. Aren't I like, tearing away their safe space or whatever?"

The older man cleared his throat, his bolo tie wrapped around his neck shaking slightly. "I suggest that that is how it works, Mr Knight... If you'd like to graduate anyways."

"Is that a threat?" Awsten dramatically leaned forward in his seat and placed his elbows on the desk, mouth wide open in faked shock. He then stood up and raised his pointer finger for added affect, pausing for a moment before responding. "Because if so, I do not stand for it sir! I do not stand for it one bit!"

"Awsten Constantine Knight, it is not a threat, it is a graduation requirement for every student that attends this school. If you do not attend GSA every Friday, starting tomorrow after school, you will not graduate." The principle replied firmly, managing to stay calm. He'd dealt with Awsten's shenanigans for three and nearly a half years now, it was getting a bit old.

Awsten swung his backpack over his shoulder and took a quick swig of his energy drink before placing it back on the desk and sticking his longboard between his arm and side. As he turned away, and headed out the door he only yelled one thing.

"You'll be hearing from my lawyers!"

\--

And so, there they were; Third period was all a blur as the trio sat behind the school, smoking weed and talking about Awsten's seemingly unfortunate up-and-coming visit to GSA.

They were all so thankful the school couldn't afford cameras outside, as this was their usual hangout when the trio decided they were just too cool for math class, even though all of them secretly knew they were most definitely not.

"Dude, that's so stupid." Otto commented as he leaned against the brick building, blunt in hand and rockstar in the other. 

"I know." Awsten scoffed as he took a drag, also leaning against the school's wall. "I don't have anything against gays or anything, but like - I'm not a fag. I don't hate them or some shit but that club is for them. That's the point, right? I mean, Robbie should just let me off the hook 'cause it's too late for anything else."

Jawn rolled his eyes obviously as he gestured for his blue-haired friend to pass the blunt back his way. "Robbie?" He asked. "Seriously?"

"I mean, yeah." Awsten shrugged.

"Isn't that Charbonneau's name?" Otto inquired before letting out a yawn.

Jawn knitted his eyebrows together for a second. "Yeah, but- never mind. And you guys do remember that I'm surrounded by LGBT people, right? I do theater - sure, I'm mainly tech, but still. I hear shit. The club isn't just for gays, it's for anyone else who isn't straight or cis. They aren't very fond of the word 'fag', by the way."

"Oh." Awsten said. "Whatever. I'm still straight and don't wanna be a chick."

Jawn rolled his eyes before letting out a puff of smoke. "Doesn't matter. Club's for anyone willing to show support too, I think. And just 'cause you don't wanna be a chick doesn't mean you can't be something else. There's more than two genders, you know."

Otto interrupted for a second. "How does that work?"

Jawn turned his head, blowing his bangs out of his face. "Google is your best friend, Otto. Look it up. Get educated, fool."

Awsten started laughing at this point, to which was actually slightly dangerous because he'd just inhaled some smoke and was not ready to let it out quite yet. Whoops. In fact, he was asthmatic and altogether this probably wasn't anywhere near a good idea. He shrugged anyways, before taking another hit.

"Anyways, I really don't want to go alone. Can one of you please tag along? I'm gonna look like a lonely loser who's just there for credit." Awsten whined, handing the blunt to Otto to finish up. He was still, for the most part, stone-cold sober.

"You are a lonely loser who's just going for the credit." Jawn replied with a witty smile.

"Ooh... You hear the sound of that?" Otto laughed before making a sizzling sound with his mouth, "That's the sound of you getting burned."

"Shut up!" Awsten replied, flicking his friend on the shoulder. "Seriously, will one of you come with?"

"I would," Otto frowned, "But you know how I am with new people."

"I would too, but I got some theater stuff to work on today after school. The Addams Family Values is gonna be off the chain, but I have to make sure the lighting is decent. I'd skip out for the day 'cause I know Westen is going to be there, but the whole cast is showing up to make sure the lighting works well. Even the guy playing Gomez, who I think is in GSA too." Jawn said in reply, shrugging his shoulders.

Awsten sighed loudly. "Fine. Can you at least roll us another joint? The high hasn't hit yet and I don't wanna be sober at the moment, I'm a kinda nervous."

Jawn raised his eyebrows before shaking his head. "Mm-mm." He said. "This is the good shit, you just gotta wait a minute for it to hit."

Awsten gave the florescent red-head a death glare, but stayed silent while he waited otherwise. It was complete silence besides the slight tapping of feet on the pavement and movement of clothing as the boys breathed for a few.

"Oh, shit." Awsten cursed aloud as the edges of his vision started to get cloudy.

"Told you it was the good shit."

\---

"Wait, Mr Charbonneau, this is like, really short notice. Tomorrow was already planned to be like, about coming out and I doubt any of the pre-existing members of GSA will be comfortable sharing that stuff in front of Awsten without getting to know him first." Geoff argued, crossing his arms and glancing over at his best friend before continuing. "Can't he join like, next week?"

The girl and demiboy stood at the principle's doorway, being called down into his office for the announcement during their 6th period. Geoff was the leader, whilst Alexa was the vice leader and Mr Charbonneau felt it was necessary to inform her on the new member as well.

"Well, actually, Geoff is going to be late to tomorrow's meeting anyways. The Addams Family Values is doing a quick lighting check with all the cast. It's really not an ideal time for a new member." Alexa continued Geoff's argument, dark brown bangs falling over her eyes as she crossed her arms over her flat chest.

Mr Charbonneau thought for a moment, tapping his pencil against his forehead. "Alex takes over for however long you're gone," he gestures towards Geoff, "and introduces Awsten to the rest of the group."

Geoff stays quiet as he lets Alexa fight her own battle. Generally, since the topic is about GSA and he's the leader, he'd respond but he could see the wheels turning in Alexa's head as she thinks about how to respond to being misnamed.

"First of all, fine, Awsten can join tomorrow, we'll just have a last minute change on that front." Alexa responded, anger clear in her eyes. 

The principle responded prematurely with a smile. "Alright, it's settled then. Awsten Knight joins your club tomorrow." 

"Hold on, I'm not finished." Alexa uncrossed her arms, placing one viciously on the desk in front of both her and Geoff. "My name is Alexa. It has an invisible accent above the e, and an 'uh' sound at the end. That's my name. I hear 'Alex' enough at home and on the rink. This sir, is my safe space and respectfully, I refuse to let you ruin it. I am a transgender girl, and my name is Alexa. So I suggest if you'd like to keep the appearance of this school being LGBT-friendly like you brag about in every other article on our website, you address me by my name."

Mr Charbonneau coughs awkwardly as Geoff beams. He's slightly terrified, but also extremely proud of his best friend for standing up for herself. "Alright, miss."

Alexa smiles triumphantly as she walks out of his office. Geoff notices the skip in her step, but says nothing about it, although he's pretty happy himself, despite having to re-schedule the meeting tomorrow.

"So," She asks as they walk down the hall, heading back towards their classrooms which are conveniently right beside one another, "What have you heard on this 'Awsten' kid?"

Geoff laughs, running a hand through his hair. "We were best friends up until like, eighth grade. As we were put in different classes and shit we just kind of, parted ways. But from what I remember, he's pretty cool. I have a lot of really good memories with him and his family..." He trails off. "I don't know, I have nothing against him, I just don't know what he's like now so I can't give you a proper rundown on what to expect."

Alexa nods. "Okay, got it. I'll talk to you tomorrow, probably. Can't text tonight, I've got major warm-ups. Mom is getting serious about me not even interacting with non-skaters, so school and GSA are all I've got to talk to others right now. Sorry."

As Geoff turns the doorknob to his classroom, he shrugs. "It's okay. One day I'll see you on TV in the Olympics and I can say 'Yeah, Alexa Gaskarth. I remember that bitch from highschool.'" 

"I hate you." Alexa laughs in response.

Geoff rolls his eyes. "No, you don't, liar."


	2. Is Invalidation The New Communication?

January 5th, 2018.

As Awsten walked into the classroom, he wasn't sure what he was expecting exactly, but it wasn't this.

It was a completely normal classroom, covered in various algebra posters. No giant "GSA" letters in lights, or extra... Gay merchandise. Just a classroom. Meant for what looked like wsome sort of math class.

He'd shown up on time surprisingly, if not a little bit early since his last class was just down the hall and his sixth period teacher was rather fond of him, somehow, and let him leave a minute or two early. Roughly eight people were already here, and he recognized very few; both an advantage and a disadvantage to attending a large public school.

"Oh! Guys! New member is here!" A guy(?) with mid-length brown hair and a flannel on said as he noticed Awsten walking into the classroom. "I'm Alexa, I'm the sort of vice-leader." He introduced himself, before gesturing towards the rest of the group, "You'll learn the rest of their names when we start. We have another two minutes, so welcome to the club, new person."

Awsten smiled, slightly awkwardly as he adjusted his backpack that was half-on, half-off. His longboard was in one arm, the other leaning against the wall like the rest of his body. "Cool. So, can I just leave my stuff here or...."

Alexa smiled neutrally for a moment before realizing what he had just said, widening his eyes. "Oh! Yeah, you can just... Leave it in the corner, right next to where you're standing."

"Thanks." Awsten nodded back as he stood at the doorframe awkwardly for the next few minutes as the pre-existing group continued to chat without him. It sort of felt like hours if he was honest, and he felt rather left out: He knew that in this club, everyone belonged to the same group. They had something huge in common with eachother and he was... is... just here.

"Okay, okay, guys. Listen up. We're gonna have to start check-in without a couple of the members. They'll be here in like, ten minutes, but because of the play they're gonna run a bit late." Alexa, the previous person Awsten had talked to said. "So, get in a circle, I'm leading for the time being."

The rest of the group complied, and holy shit, Awsten didn't realize how many people there actually were. There were like ten other people here, and a few were missing, including their apparent leader.

Awsten couldn't help but think of aliens, but he was genuinely wondering who the leader of the club was.

Awsten reluctantly pulled up a chair into the circle, sitting next to the only person he'd talked to in the room so far. He seemed cool enough.

"Alright, so, since you're new, Awsten I'll explain how check in works. Basically, we introduce ourselves with our pronouns and a high we've had for the week and a low we've had for the week." Alexa said, waving his hands everywhere when he spoke. "This time, we'll be adding our name, grade and our gender and sexuality, though. Just to introduce ourselves to you I guess."

Awsten looked back at the kid with confusion, eyes widened as he leant back in his seat.

"Okay," He sighed. "I'll go first. Feel free to ask questions. My name is Alexa. I'm a senior, and I'm a transgirl and I'm pansexual-"

"What's that?" Awsten interrupted. "Wait, sorry, keep going."

Alexa smiled. "It's okay, it's okay. It means I'm attracted to all genders, and that genitals don't really matter to me. My pronouns are she/her..."

Oh shit. Alexa was a she. She. She. She.

God, that was going to be hard. Awsten sort of felt like a douche, but Alexa looked... Like a dude. He- she, he corrected himself, was dressed extremely masculine and didn't look like they'd even shaved in over a week. A simple blue flannel thrown on over a black t-shirt and a pair of skinny jeans.

No make-up. No long hair. No... femininity present.

"My high for the week was I finally got the hang of the lutz, even though it's like, really fucking hard. My low is that I also sprained my finger while failing the lutz and instead landing directly onto my pinky." She finished. "Okay, let's go counter-clockwise so Awsten can go last. Jay, you're up."

A person - Awsten had learned not to assume by now, with dark brown hair spoke. "Alright! Hi, I'm Nick!"

Awsten was shocked to hear their voice be so high pitched, but kept his mouth shut anyways and let them continue. "Uh, hi. I already said that. Fuck. I'm a Junior, and um, I'm pansexual and genderfluid."

They seemingly knew what Awsten was going to ask when his eyebrows raised and his head lifted up, answering his question that hadn't even been asked yet. "Genderfluid means my gender identity sort of... switches on a day to day basis. Along with that, my pronouns change too. But, if you're like, afraid to ask or unsure, 'they' is always okay to use too. Normally though, I'll have on a colored bracelet to indicate my pronouns for the day. Pink for she, blue for he, and purple for they."

Awsten nodded slowly, before raising his hand halfway in the air, having another question. He felt sort of annoying, and a bit like a kid, but continued to ask otherwise. "Do you mind explaining like, how that works?"

Nick smiled, physically lighting up at the question and doing a fist pump. "Oh, sorry," They said, "I just really love when people ask about my gender and shit instead of just assuming."

"So, some days I feel more like, feminine and almost like a girl. I'll know it because I really hate my flat chest and stuff. Plus, I'll feel really uncomfortable being called 'he.' I'm not trans though, because some days I feel the same way, but like, vice versa where I feel super masculine and like a boy, but no dysphoria. As for the other days, where I feel in between, non-binary, It's just a matter of sort of knowing and pronoun usage."

"Alright, cool. Thanks for explaining it." The blue-haired boy responded. Although confused, particularly about how there could be a third gender, he was polite. He needed this, he kept reminding himself. "Sorry for the interruption, um, continue."

"So," Nick beamed once more - Awsten noticed that she smiled, a whole lot, "I've had a pretty okay week. On Sunday, Westen took me out because we hadn't gone on a proper date in like, ever, and we went to the park to have a jam session together, and it was kind of the best thing ever. I don't have a low, I don't think. That night kind of made up for any unfortunate moments." She smiled before squeezing the person beside her's hand, who he could only assume was the aforementioned Westen.

(Awsten had since glanced down at the bracelet Nick was wearing. Pink. That meant feminine pronoun usage, if he recalled correctly.)

God, he felt weird.

"Okay, so it's Westen's turn. Sorry for talking so much." The person finished, displaying a smile on her face. "Oh wait, I should mention, they," She points to her partner, "Come off as super aggressive. Don't mind it."

Westen nods lightly. "Thanks, she's right," They begin. "I have mild autism so... sorry if I don't pick up on some social cues, and always like, sound like an asshole. That's why I don't talk that much. 'Cause I do. Sound like an asshole, I mean."

The whole group laughs, and Awsten laughs lightly too although a bit uncomfortable. Not because Westen is autistic, but because he's not sure if it's appropriate to laugh despite everyone else doing it.

Okay, maybe it is because they're autistic. Awsten just doesn't know how to react, honestly. He's never met... anyone with autism.

"I actually quite like talking, but only with like, a lot at once. And only stuff I like. I enjoy quite a lot of things, like music, and playing it. Actually, on that note, did you know that-"

Nick noticeably squeezes Westen's hand tighter than usual, mumbling something incoherent into Westen's ear. Awsten assumed that Nick was helping them out with a few small cues. They giggled to themself, moving their other hand a few inches in front of his mouth before waving it around a bit. "Oh, uh, sorry. I also get off track. And say 'like' a lot."

"So um, I'm non-binary, in between, that kind of thing and I like everyone. Okay, that's a lie. I just really love Nick, like, a lot. Like I'd give them both my fucking kidneys-"

Nick laughs despite Westen seemingly being a little too serious about the subject. Awsten could see, and hear, what Westen was talking about when they said that they sounded pretty aggressive when they spoke.

"Yeah, okay, sorry," Westen says. "My pronouns are they/them, but I don't mind he too much. I'm a senior. Highs and lows are the same as Jay, I think. I'm boring. Like, really boring. And no one likes me or wants to hang out with me, except Jay. Because I'm boring. And also an asshole."

Next goes Jack, a bisexual transboy, and a junior, who goes by he/him pronouns and was extremely happy about his new sweater. He's also somewhere on the spectrum, but Awsten noticed it wasn't as obvious. 

He also dressed slightly more masculine, or at least made an effort, unlike Alexa which Awsten appreciated. It was going to be way easier remembering that he isn't a girl even though he has boobs.

Then went Hayley, a sophomore who's aromantic and pansexual, and is angry about everything. And Inigo, a junior who's super chill and indefinitely asexual. 

Awsten had learned about the whole "a" things today too. From his point of view, it seemed rather lonely. He felt bad for them - they couldn't ever be in love, or enjoy jacking off. That was kind of sad. Awsten didn't like, say that though. Then he'd definitely feel like an asshole.

And Ashley, who has a similar color hair and is bisexual. Awsten knew about her, actually. They'd talked a few times. She was a really smart freshman, and they'd had a couple classes together in the past.

Then there's Rachel, she's a lesbian and is super pumped she gets to record music this weekend with her best friend, Nicole, who's genderqueer and pansexual, and used ze/they, which Awsten was very confused about, but rolled with anyways. They were juniors, he recalled.

There's also a freshman, Lynn, who's a lesbian. Awsten recalls that she didn't talk much at all, actually. But he remembers her pronouns and her sexuality and shit at least. Mainly 'cause all Awsten could think of when he saw her was scissoring.

He almost made a joke about it but then remembered the permission slip paper's specifications. Safe Space for All, or whatever. He needed this club, so he kept his mouth shut on that one.

It would've also been awkward, being she's in a fucking wheelchair.

That was all the members that had been introduced thus far, which were all actually pretty chill. Most of them didn't seem like weird social justice warriors like Awsten had expected, which was nice.

Awsten was about to introduce himself when two other people walked in. One had light, pastel-ish messy pink hair knotted up in a bun with minimal make-up and a large black Thrasher hoodie. Awsten could appreciate that, and they were kind of cute, too.

However, when a second person walked in, Awsten's jaw nearly dropped. Although his face had a light wash of stage makeup on it, he could recognize that face anywhere; Geoff Wigington, Awsten's childhood best friend.

He felt a sense of nostalgia when he looked at Geoff, a reminder of his childhood and how good of friends they were for so long. Awsten didn't really realize how much he genuinely missed Geoff, or at least their dynamic, until he'd look through old scrapbooks, or see him for a split second while passing by in the halls.

"Sorry to interrupt. Uh, go ahead, Awsten," Geoff smiled awkwardly, watching as Claire went to sit near Jack and Hayley. He moved a chair to the only open space in the circle, beside Awsten.

"I uh- Hi, I'm Awsten. I'm a dude, and and my pronouns he/him, I think that' what that word means, right?" Awsten asked, finding himself slightly more nervous after Geoff walked in. Some of the group gave him small nods of encouragement. "Okay, yeah, I'm straight. I like girls and stuff. I'm a senior. My high is probably getting high with my best friends and I don't think I have a low."

Yes, I do. Awsten thought. Right now.

"Alright, sweet!" Geoff said when Awsten finished, smiling. "Claire, d'you wanna go ahead?"

"Yeah, sure!" The person with the colored hair that Geoff walked in with beamed. "I'm Claire, I'm agender, which means I'm not a dude, or a chick, I'm somewhere between. A dick, maybe? Who knows. Anyways, I go by they/them and my week has been pretty neutral. I'm a junior, but I'm graduating this year."

The group smiled and nodded, all eyes turning to Geoff. 

"Okay!" Geoff clapped his hands together, smiling widely again. "We already sorta know each other, but I'm gonna do check-in anyways."

Awsten nodded, although slightly spaced out.

"Cool! So, my name is Geoff, I'm 17 and I never learned how to fucking read." Geoff joked, and the whole group shared collective laughter and short comments.

"Okay, okay, sorry." Geoff apologized. "I'm Geoff, obviously, and I am a demiboy who goes by he/they pronouns. I primarily like boys, and I've gotta think about my highs and lows... Okay, my high is that I have a date next Friday, after the meeting which is really cool, and my low is that although it'll be worth it, the Addams Family Values is kicking my ass."

"Wait, what? You never told me that!" Alexa leaned over Awsten, poking Geoff in the stomach. It made Awsten feel slightly awkward, knowing that had been what their friendship was like a few years ago, but said nothing.

"Yeah, whatever. His name's Joey. Westen sorta set us up, he's been determined to get me a boyfriend for awhile now."

Awsten was aware that Geoff was gay. He came out around freshman year, about six months into their process of drifting apart. It was just weird, sitting here, hearing his old best friend go on about a date and how Westen had to be good at setting up dates, as he and Nick , his boyfriend, were apparently goals.

It ended up being a conversation that Awsten wasn't a part of, that's for sure. He felt rather left out, instead just kind of chilling in the corner, messing with a rubber band that was on his wrist. It was pretty boring, if you asked him.

He would occasionally try to join the conversation, but the group would just sort of mold it around him, trailing off to other subjects that he still had no comment on, without realizing it.

He just sighed, managing to get through the meeting without causing anything negative.


	3. Everything Is Not What It Seems (Or Maybe It Is?)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happy new year!

"M'home!" Awsten called as he paced into his house, slamming the door behind him and slinging his backpack off of his shoulder, placing it on the ground as he rushed to the kitchen to get some sort of after school snack.

Once he entered the room, he was greeted by his sister, Gracie, sitting on one of the barstools and waving at their mom, on the other side of the countertop.

"Hi, sweetie," His mom smiled at Awsten as he rounded the corner, sneaking between the two women so he could get access to the fridge. Awsten just smiled in response.

Awsten felt his mom's eye roll engrave itself into his back. 

"Thanks for asking how my day was, stupidhead." She said, flicking Awsten on the skull to which he grunted as she grabbed her purse off of the counter and turned to Gracie. "I'll be right back. I've got to go to the store to return a few things, but I'll only be a little bit."

"What kind of things?" Awsten teased, ignoring the flick to his skull as he grabbed a block of cheese out of the fridge and threw it onto the countertop.

Their mom just rolled her eyes once again and picked up her car keys. "Don't burn down the house. Gracie's in charge. Love you." She said quickly as she walked out of the house through the door that connected to the garage.

"Wait, wh-" Awsten attempted to yell but was interrupted by the door slamming. He grabbed a kitchen knife from one of their drawers. "That is so unfair. You're two years younger than me."

"But I'm more responsible, and mom trusts me more." Gracie replied with a cheeky smile, crossing her arms as her white-toned hair flipped over her shoulder.

Awsten scoffed as he cut into the block of cheese. "As if."

"Well, mom didn't find a bubbler and five grams of pot in my room, so..."

"It was one time!" Awsten exclaimed, letting go of the knife and throwing his hands in the air. Gracie just laughed before he returned back to making his food, whatever he was planning on making. He wasn't even sure at this point.

It was awkward silence for awhile as Awsten continued to cut into the cheese stressfully, eating a few pieces on the way. That is, until his sister opened her mouth again. "Are you just eating a fucking block of cheese for a snack?"

The blue haired boy groaned loudly and dramatically, looking back at his sister, roughly five feet away and still sitting at the island, now with a toothy smirk. He pulled out the large knife and pointed it in her direction, only somewhat jokingly. "What the hell do you want? Can't I eat unhealthily in peace, alone?"

Gracie grinned, looking down at her phone for a second before glancing back up. She was unphased by the knife. After all, those sort of suggested threats were common between the two siblings. "Nope. You're dealing with me forever. Where were you today?"

Awsten lowered the knife and groaned, turning away again. He was going to look back at her when he spoke, but decided against it because he had a knife in hand that was cutting a substance right beside his flesh. "School."

"Awsten, we go to the same school and you barely show up to your regular classes anyways. I know you don't have detention, so spill." Gracie responded, twisting a finger through her own silver hair.

Awsten sighed, putting down the knife completely and turned around so his back was leaning against the counter. "Fine, you fucking snoopy sophomore. I had to join a club this year, last minute or I won't graduate. I have to show up literally every Friday, or it doesn't count and I'll be held back 'cause of that and like, two of my classes. I'm not interested in being a super senior like Discanio, okay?"

Gracie frowned, but still had a sparkle in her eyes as per usual. "Awsten, it's okay. I'm not gonna judge you, I'm your sister. It's okay to struggle, you know. Anyways, what club did you join?"

Her brother blushed slightly, sliding a hand up the back of his neck and adjusted his snapback. "Uh, GSA."

Gracie's eyes widened as she nodded her head. "Oh, alright. Is this you coming out? Because, well, I already know- It is the gay club, right? Or did I mix it up with ASB? I don't remember you running for anything tho-"

"Yeah, yeah you got it right. I only joined it 'cause it's the only club accepting this late, though. I don't really belong there." Awsten glanced away before remaining eye contact with his sister once again, realizing what she said. "Wait, what do you mean you already knew-"

Gracie's hands shot up in defense, waving them in the air violently. "No, no, uh, I don't know!"

Awsten squinted his eyes, giving her a death glare once again as he put down the knife and his hands clasped together instinctively. He wasn't sure why, but they always did that when this sort of subject came up. "What do you mean you don't know?"

Gracie shrugged, calming down a bit, her talking voice quieting down to her normal tone, but still echoing through the kitchen. "Mom and I, we always thought that growing up you had a crush on Geoff... I don't know, something about your behavior towards one another heavily hinted at it."

"Wha- no! He was my best friend! I wasn't like, gay for him! I like girls and stuff, which you know!" Awsten defended himself, attempting to bring up past (short-term) girlfriends.

"You can like girls and boys, you know." Gracie countered casually, rolling her eyes.

Awsten felt himself getting flustered, blushing profusely. "I know I just- I don't! I just like girls, alright? Chill out!"

"I am chill." His sister shrugged, obviously not too bothered. "Anyways, I know you aren't as close anymore, but do you and Geoff still talk? How is Geoff? He was always so much nicer to me than you, I miss him."

"You sound like mom." Awsten laughed, shaking his head as he picked up the cheese and put it back into the fridge. "I might've forgot to mention, he's actually the leader of the club."

Gracie audibly gasped, but still made sure not to over dramaticize. "Wait, so Geoff is gay?"

"Uhm, yeah, sort of. He's into guys primarily. But it's confusing, cause he's like, not a guy completely, but he isn't a girl either."

"Oh, are they non-binary or something?" Gracie questioned, tapping her fingers against the countertop. "Why are you looking at me like that? Yeah, I know what it is, I'm educated, dumbass."

"Yeah, actually. He's a... demiboy, I think. Still goes by male pronouns and stuff. I just learned what it is today."

"Good on you, becoming a woke legend." Gracie laughed, suddenly getting up off of the barstool.

"What the hell is woke?" Awsten asked, grabbing his plate of literally just random pieces of cheese. He had weird habits, alright?

"Never mind. You're back to being unwoke again. No longer a legend, either," She giggled as she snuck a piece of cheese, turning and walking through the living room and towards the staircase.

"Hey, where are you going, silver fox?"

"Never call me that again, I swear to god Awsten-" Gracie called loudly from up the stairs.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever." Awsten muttered under his breath, deciding to just scroll various social media as he ate.

But once she left, he couldn't help but think about his own sexuality and where it really stood.

\---

January 19th, 2018.

Both the weekend and week sped by pretty quickly, in Awsten's opinion. He surprisingly showed up to the majority of his classes for the time, which both Jawn and Otto were actually pretty impressed by.

Then again, it wasn't all that impressive that Awsten had been high literally all day today. It didn't help that Friday meant he had to show up to GSA when all he really wanted to do was go home and eat something, particularly something fried.

He kind of regretted taking that edible from Jawn this morning. He was extremely out of it all day, and now he had to go to this club, too.

Whatever, he'd make it. He slowly rounded the corner, attempting to make it to GSA with a straight face. Unluckily, Geoff was waiting outside the room with a smile on his own face, as per usual. 

"Awsten!" He smiled loudly, making the blue-haired boy jump back because of the sudden noise. "Uh, sorry. I need to talk to you about something."

"Uh, yeah." Awsten blinked, shaking his head as he dragged out the e. "Sure, uh, go for it."

"Okay, so, I really need you to participate more in GSA. It's a club meant for everyone, and it's supposed to stay positive, and it's okay if you're having a bad day but-"

Awsten's face fell as he listened to Geoff. He kinda thought maybe they'd have an actual conversation, and was slightly disappointed that it was about the club. 

"Yeah, yeah. S'not my fault you guys trail off to stuff I don't like, though. People know each other and have conversations about things I don't know about. It's hard to like, say stuff, when it's just a big, giant, large blur."

He was so out of it. This wasn't the best time for this. At all.

"Oh. Yeah, that makes sense I guess..." Geoff replied, seemingly feeling slightly guilty. "Sorry, I'll uh, try to keep it on topic this meeting. I got a little... sidetracked last time."

"Mhm. So how was the date?" Awsten quirked his head to the side. He wasn't too sure why he was so interested in the subject, but questioned it anyways.

Geoff was seemingly taken aback by the question, but not angry by any means. "Uh, I'm not sure. It's not until today after club..."

"Oh!" Awsten snapped his fingers, "That's right. Got it. Uh, fuck, sorry."

"It's all good." Geoff smiled, twiddling with his thumbs. The air was slightly awkward. 

"You have really pretty eyes. I mean- sorry, your eyes are really nice, I think. I wish my eyes were that cool." Awsten blurted out, making the air even more awkward.

Geoff blushed. "Uh, thanks. I like your eyes, though. They're both super nice colors."

"Yeah, yeah. Thanks... Sorry, uh, I'm kind of out of it today." Awsten responded, scratching the back of his head awkwardly, reaching beneath his snapback.

"You can say you're high."

"Yeah, okay, I'm high off my fucking ass. I think I'm starting to smell colors, like those goddamn markers we used as kids. Holy shit."

"Alright, Awsten. Just stay conscience throughout the meeting?" Geoff asked, a teasing tone to his voice.

"No promises." Awsten laughed and headed halfway in the room before turning back to Geoff. "It was nice talking to you again, man."

Geoff smiled. "The feeling's mutual, Awsten."

\--

"I think he likes you," Nick said quietly, voice high as he nudged Geoff in the rib as they walked out of the classroom.

GSA had ended about two minutes ago, and Geoff had thought today's meeting, although all over the place, was pretty good. He was holding off on using the 'coming out' topic for a bit, so today was another more relaxed meeting.

"I'm sorry, what?" Geoff asked, completely obliviously. He walked somewhat slowly, Alexa trailing behind him.

"That Awsten kid? He definitely has a crush on you." Nick continued, wide smile. They fixed the skirt they currently had on, before continuing. "He kept complimenting your eyes. You do have nice eyes, but he was also high as fuck and kept saying it over and over. And over. I'm surprised his positive for the week wasn't staring dreamily into your eyes."

Geoff shrugged, avoiding the possibility. "Exactly, he was high as fuck. Wait, how'd you know?"

Alexa even joined in on Nick's laughter. Nick was still the one to respond, though. "It was obvious, and not at all subtle. Geoff, name one day I've both showed up to and left school sober in the past five months."

"Well yeah," Geoff responded, slightly embarrassed. "But don't you mostly do party drugs, like acid or even like, shrooms?"

Nick shrugged, but still had a present smirk. Geoff wasn't sure what was so entertaining as a few people walked past them, going to their respective houses as well. 

"Shrooms aren't a party drug, they're a hallucinogen, dumbass." Alexa piped in. 

"She's right, you know." Nick said. "But uh, at this point I take anything that's offered, no questions, unless it's heroin or injected. I can't stand being sober anymore."

Alexa and Geoff felt slightly tense now, but continued the conversation. They knew Nick had always had substance abuse issues - it was hard not to, the way they were brought up - but didn't realize the extent of it. "Aren't you sober right now?"

"Hardly." Nick shrugged. "But anyways, Awsten isn't very subtle, and recognizing if people are on something - and what they're on - has become kinda a second sense to me."

"What about the crush thing?" Geoff questioned as Alexa's phone beeped. She leaned down and checked it, still listening to the conversation.

Nick laughed. "No matter how much he insists it, that boy is not straight. I'm not buying what he's selling, especially when he looks at you like that."

"Okay, whatever." Geoff rolled his eyes, generally believing that Nick just wanted to hook Geoff up with someone besides the guy who was literally picking him up in five minutes for their first date. They insisted on being cupid at every chance since they'd gotten together with Westen, about a year and a half ago in the summer between sophomore and junior year. Why? Geoff wasn't sure.

"Hey, sorry guys, I gotta go." Alexa frowned as the trio walked outside. Parked by the curb were her parents, likely upset she was slightly off schedule. She ran quickly, sad to ditch her friends but not wanting to cause any tension in the family.

"Alright. Have a good day, Alexa- Alex. I hope I'll see you sometime this weekend." Geoff called as Alexa neared the car, Alexa subtly thanking him for misnaming her for once.

Alexa climbed into the back seat of the car, knowing that both her parents were likely in the front. As she threw her backpack off and beside her, she knew she guessed correctly. 

Once she buckled herself in, as if on cue, her parents spoke simultaneously. "Hi, honey." Was said in unison.

Alexa smiled awkwardly, nodding her head as she looked out the window and frowned. Nick and Geoff were laughing so hard they were holding their stomachs, and she was in the car on her way to the ice rink.

"How was the meeting?" Her dad asked from the driver's seat absentmindedly, clearly not showing genuine interest. 

Alexa replied anyways and attempted to start an important conversation for likely the fifth time this week. "It was pretty good, actually. Oh, and I have so-"

"That's great, sweetie. Hold on, I have a call I've gotta make." Her mom said, scrolling through her phone contacts.

Alexa audibly sighed, loudly. Obviously they didn't realize how important this was to her, but that was because they didn't listen to virtually anything. She would've been out of the closet a long time ago if they did. "Can it wait? It's like, really important!"

"Alex, this is really important, too! Don't you want food on the table?" Her mom responded, a firm tone but still decided against looking back to face her daughter.

"Yes, but-"

"Fine!" Her mom snapped, her father still staying completely silent. "What? What is so goddamn important that I have to reject this call, from one of our top clients, for?"

Alexa's confidence died down quickly as she shrunk in her seat. "I- nothing. I just... I want a day off. To hang out with friends."

She felt her mom tense. "That's what I needed to hear? The answer's no. Olympic skaters don't take days off. Besides, that's what your club is for."

"Yeah, but-"

"Besides, if you really need human contact that badly, you can talk to the other skaters during break." She continued indefinitely, beginning to mutter under her breath. "Ungrateful."

The rest of the ride was silent after that.


	4. Liar Liar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hey. leave me a comment. i love that sweet sweet feedback

February 2nd, 2018.

"Hey, guys!" Geoff smiled as he greeted all of the members of the club, watching as they slowly filled the room. Claire, Jack and Inigo were in one corner having a very heated yet friendly argument over god knows what, Kortney and Carter already began to pull chairs out to form a circle, Westen and Nick were sitting in a section of the circle, and the rest hadn't shown up yet.

Lynn suddenly wheeled into the room. "How're you, Geoff?" She asked.

"I'm pretty good, Lynn. Thanks for asking. You?" Geoff responded, still managing a wide smile.

Lynn nodded lightly. "Me too, actually. I'll be right back, talk to you in a few. I've gotta talk to Nick about something."

Geoff waved her off, keeping a smile until she turned her back. He sighed somewhat loudly, but attempted to conceal it. Everyone was off in their own groups, and he'd always felt awkward joining already formed clusters, so he was stuck greeting everyone who came in, even if at this point he knew them so well they might be able to recite his social security number from memory.

Awsten suddenly walked through the door, arriving earlier today which was rather shocking to Geoff. He had only attended about six meetings thus far, but he was slowly getting better at the concept of the club, which Geoff was pretty happy about.

He was actually pretty happy to see Awsten in the first place. Why, he wasn't too sure. Maybe it was because there was a definite chance of Awsten actually conversing with him.

"Hey, dude," Awsten waved with one of his hands, the other holding up his longboard. Geoff noticed it almost immediately, as it was hard to ignore with a large green M obviously hand-painted on the bottom. It wasn't crudely done though, like one would expect. It was a nice board. "What's up?"

Geoff smiled, gesturing towards the board. "Oh, nothing. I like your longboard."

"Oh, thanks!" Awsten visibly lit up, now smiling widely compared to his previously uninterested-looking facial expression. "Do you skate?"

"I- no." Geoff laughed. Awsten's face fell slightly, but he was still clearly listening. "Remember in the seventh grade when you tried to teach me, and as soon as I got on the board, you accidentally pushed me down that huge hill? Yeah, I don't think it's exactly my calling. Looks cool, though."

Awsten burst into laughter, which seemingly got the attention of half of who was already in the room. No one had seen him genuinely laugh until now, and so it was kind of a shock to the rest of them. Awsten and Geoff however, paid no mind.

"Oh my god! That was so funny!" Awsten mused, thinking about it aloud. "You were all 'Awsten, I'm gonna kill you,' and tried to run back up to get to me, but I ended up tumbling down the hill on top of you because I tripped on a rock out of fear."

Geoff started laughing too, actually to the point where he had tears coming out of the corners of his eyes. "Poor, poor Sarah had to clean up all our wounds 'cause my mom was at work. You literally screamed when she put rubbing alcohol on your scraped knee."

"I'm weird about that stuff, okay?" Awsten caught his breath, still laughing under it though. He nearly dropped his board when he was laughing earlier, and so he held onto it even tighter than previously. "I've got sensitive skin."

"Yeah, yeah," Geoff rolled his eyes, letting them trail around the room. "Oh shit. Meeting started like, two minutes ago and I didn't even notice. Let's get situated, but uh, we should talk later."

"Yeah," Awsten breathed as he leaned his board against the wall, "Yeah."

\--

Check in went pretty smoothly today, in Geoff's opinion. Nothing was too chaotic, by any means. A few side conversations, sure, but nothing that they couldn't handle for the most part. It was nice.

Too bad it was probably going to get really depressing really quickly.

"Okay, so, I was planning on bringing this up early last month," Geoff said, loudly enough for everyone to hear, "But I was thinking we'd do it today. Uh, let's talk about coming out. Basically, why you're in the closet to whoever, and why you're out. And if you want, how you found out your own sexuality or gender."

Awsten popped his tongue unenthusiastically, but the rest of the group nodded in understanding.

"Uh, I guess I'll go first? Like usual." Geoff smiled softly.

"So uh, I'm out, to my family and obviously the school. About liking boys, anyways. My family has always supported gay marriage, so one day in ninth grade I said fuck it, and came out to my mom on the way to school. She said she still loved me just as much as before. As for having a non-binary gender identity, I haven't came out yet. I'm just afraid they're going to think it's like, not real, or something."

"I'm sorry, dude." Alexa placed her hand on his shoulder, and Awsten almost felt a tinge of betrayal course through his blood. That used to be him, comforting Geoff. The jealously didn't come from a romantic place, that he was pretty sure, but more so a part of him that was nostalgic. He hadn't talked to Geoff in years, but somehow that was still his best friend sitting there.

"It's okay." He said, shrugging it off. Awsten felt bad for him. He didn't deserve to be in a place of fear. Geoff just smiled through it: A trait that Awsten desired. If he happened to be upset, the whole room and the rooms surrounding it would be very aware of it. Geoff however, was good at concealing his feelings.

Alexa went next. "Yeah uh, I'm not out. Not really, anyways. I am to you guys, and most of the school, a few teachers here and there but not to my family. They, uh... they don't really care. At all. I tried to come out awhile ago, but when I tried to get them off the phone, they yelled at me. They like to have a strict schedule and perfect image anyways, and my gender doesn't fit into that."

She breathed heavily, and was physically tearing up a little bit. Jack, the boy sitting next to her, placed a hand on her shoulder. She nodded. "Sorry, this just makes me... emotional. Dysphoria is eating me alive, honestly. I can't even fucking shave, so I'm just an ugly, feminine teenage boy that has a five o'clock shadow at this point. Sucks, a lot. Could be worse though, I guess."

Awsten felt like an even shittier person for misgendering her a couple weeks prior, but he had read up on this kind of stuff as of recent. He was trying to be a nicer person, but he needed to know what to say, and what ideas to come up with to help. He raised his hand, and spoke up. "Uh, my sister isn't transgender, but she told me some girls like you put like, clear nail polish on to help? I don't know a lot about this stuff, but like, I think chapstick would help too? That kind of stuff, maybe? Sorry if I sound like I'm spewing bullshit."

To Awsten's shock, Alexa smiled a little bit. Awsten's eyes somehow strayed to Geoff's face as well, who was practically beaming, almost with pride. "Thanks, Awsten. That actually- it means a lot to me. I'll try those out." She said.

Awsten nodded. For some reason, he felt really good. 

"Dysphoria sucks, Lexi. M'sorry. I think I pass okay now, when I put in the effort, so it's not as bad but I still sorta get it." Jack said. "Except I'm out, everywhere. Has it's ups and downs. My mom supports me, though. She even bought me my first binder, in freshman year which was super cool of her. At first she thought it was just my mind racing, but when I wanted to go by Jack instead of Nooria for literal years, she realized it wasn't just a phase."

Alexa smiled and nodded. Jack spoke fast, and was hard to understand at points, but she seemingly got every vowel. They smiled mutually. There was obviously something going on there, even Awsten and his oblivious self could see it.

The meeting went by quickly, and he discovered a lot more about the other members of the club that he hadn't known before. 

Carter and Kortney were both out of the closet, as Carter's mom was a lesbian herself and didn't mind whatsoever. Westen decided not to come out at home yet, despite knowing that their parents would respect it, because of their anxiety.

Hayley was obviously out and proud, despite her parents not supporting it. In response to them 'disagreeing,' she told the story of how she made the back panel of one of her leather jackets a giant rainbow flag.

Claire decided to stay closeted until graduation in the case of their parents being against it; they didn't know their stance on it and didn't want to risk it. They were fine with being out at school, though.

Nick wasn't out at home; They were very much aware of their parents disliking the LGBTQ community, so for their own safety, they stayed closeted. They were somewhat out at school, though — they were obviously dating Westen and wasn't ashamed to dress femininely.

Lynn was very much out of the closet and smiling. She mentioned it was a lot easier for her to come out since the accident, because despite her parents being homophobic, if they'd said anything rude they would feel terrible, simply because (although she could function just as anyone else) of her lack of working legs. She had known she was gay since she was a kid, and was very proud to hold her head high in the air as she came out in the eighth grade.

Lastly, went Inigo who was decidedly closeted. He wasn't really interested in dating anyone of any gender at the moment, so he didn't see the point. 

Well, lastly except for Awsten.

His face turned bright red when it came to him. The whole room was staring, and a few of the kids decidedly looked away to avoid the sheer awkwardness. He tapped his foot, bathing in the silence before coughing into his hand. "Yeah, uh, I don't..."

"That's okay!" Geoff interrupted, waving his hands in front of him in a defensive manner. "Uh, I mean, we could skip you or you could talk about how you knew you were straight? I'm not too sure about how to go on about this."

"I'll go." Awsten nodded. "I guess I just... knew?" He felt the eyes of every student on him, and felt a bead of sweat cascade down the side of his face that was likely unnoticable. He wasn't sure why he was so nervous, as this should've been the easiest task ever for him. He liked girls, and that was that. He was the default, and no different... right? "I just... have always liked women? They're pretty. And nice. And they smell nice, you know? I guess it's always kind of been expected of me, and I thought guys were attractive, per say, but I've never wanted to like... kiss one, or anything."

Something resonated within him at that last sentence. His hands laced together. His chest had a specific feeling in it that he could just barely pin down. Lie. 

He was lying.

He coughed, hoping they wouldn't notice. "And uh, yeah." The group nodded in response, letting him move past it. All of their faces had neutral expressions, and within small groups, they started entirely new conversations.

With the exception of Geoff. His face had an unreadable expression on it, to the naked eye. He would generally look like he was relaxed, or like he was relieved or even thinking about what was to come next. Awsten realized, however, that Geoff knew him far too well. The wheels were turning in his head, and he was thinking about something of importance, and possibly something that would affect him.

Then, it hit. Geoff knew that Awsten was lying. It was the same look that would display as a child, when Awsten would tell his mom they were just going for a walk when truly, they were heading to a treehouse in the woods that was technically illegal to enter.

Suddenly, everything was a lot more complicated.


	5. This Just In; Not All Exes Are Evil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Awsten gets high and spills, Geoff’s too nice for breakups, and a huge announcement is made.

"How was club?" Otto asked Awsten, somewhat sarcastically but at the same time, something truly intrigued lacing his voice.

The trio currently sat in Otto's bed, his parents not planning on coming home till tomorrow morning, Saturday. Otto's parents were gone pretty often, so his room tended to be his and his close friends' sanctuary for smoking pot and having sleepovers.

His parents had agreed to Awsten and Jawn coming over almost instantly, as they had known both the kids since they were in middle school and trusted them over. They'd even left money on the counter for pizza, which all of them appreciated. They appreciated the fact they were gone even more, though.

Awsten was high off his ass, and when he was this high, he was frankly annoying as hell. Talking constantly, pouting at everything; a lot like a child in some ways. Jawn was a bit stoned, but nothing solid and he could've definitely smoked a couple more bowls before truly reaching his peak.

Otto was unfortunately still sober, despite them being at his house. The only reason though, was because Awsten smoked as much as he possibly could've, and didn't let the others have much of anything. Another thing he was when high; Greedy.

"Mm, gimme gimme." Awsten ignored the question, making grabby hands towards the pipe that Jawn had in his hands. He was currently so high that his head was in the fucking clouds, and could barely comprehend words in theory at this point.

Jawn sighed, and shook his head. "You've had more than enough. You had almost four fucking bowls all to yourself, 'cause you were hogging the pipe. I get this hit, fucker."

"Nooo," Awsten pouted. "One more hit. I wanna try to do smoke rings. Please, Jawnny?"

Jawn scoffed, then took a large hit, inhaling heavily. Awsten didn't know how he did it; he was convinced that he had iron lungs. After his hit was over though, he handed the pipe back to Awsten. "Here. One more. Then you're cut off."

Awsten smiled giddily, taking the pipe in one hand and lighter in the other, taking a pretty substantial hit; for him it would count as a lot, but in perspective it wasn't too much. He inhaled and closed his eyes, still holding onto the pipe and released his breathe, a near-burning feeling in his throat.

He almost went for another hit before Otto stole it back from him.

"Awsten, no. That was your last hit — you didn't even try to do smoke rings like you said you would. I'm still fucking sober, so no more complaints." The brunette of the group said, matter of factly. Awsten nodded as Otto inhaled some smoke himself. 

Jawn was silent in agreement as they sat in the mini-circle on his bed. Suddenly, Otto spoke up again. "Awsten, you ignored me. How was the club?"

"Wh- oh, yeah." Awsten laughed, but he wasn't sure why. "It was good, I think. Lots'a people there today."

"Cool. What did you do?" Jawn continued the conversation. He didn't have much to talk about, so he figured Awsten might.

"Hm." The blue-haired boy thought to himself, pondering on his day. It was all pretty vague at the moment. "We uh, watched a movie. I think. And talked. But I didn't pay attention to it, 'cause 'somethin was... distracting... me. I think, yeah."

Otto furrowed his eyebrows. "What was distracting you, dude?"

"Someone." Awsten replied blankly.

It was silent for a few moments. The lines between comfortable and uncomfortable were blurred for a bit, but it was quickly cleared up by Awsten who spoke not too much later.

"I've... been questioning shit lately. That club... it makes me question... myself. Stuff's been weird lately, and it's only getting weirder, I'm pretty sure." He sighed out. "I might... like someone."

"Why..." Jawn asked, taking the pipe back from Otto, "Is that a bad thing?"

"Because, Jawn, It's not... not a girl." Awsten responded, voice cracking slightly.

Jawn nodded, and so did Otto. They ended up responding in unison. "So?" 

Awsten took a deep breath and leaned back against Otto's headboard. He looked like he was in pain, as he was still all in his head. "I'm not gay, I don't think. I... like girls. I always thought I'd marry one. As a kid, I always liked them, but I think maybe, looking back, I liked a few boys too. It's... all... cloudy." 

"Who cares?" Otto questioned. The bowl was burnt out by now, and he set it on his side table. "We'd support you either way. God knows Jawn will fuck anything that moves, and we still love him."

"Oh, shut the fuck up." Jawn teased, smacking Otto in the shoulder. "But seriously Aws, we don't care. Who will?"

"M'not sure. My mom, maybe? The school?" He sighed out. "I don't know. I just... know that I don't want to like him. But he's nice, and he's pretty, and his eyes are really fucking blue and that's my favorite color, and I can't stand not seeing him for a long time but he's just... I want to kiss him. But I don't want to. Or maybe I do, sometimes."

"It's 2018. Not many people care anymore, trust me. Your mom definitely won't. The school probably won't really give a shit, and even if they do, why is it any of their business? It's normal to question it, and it's normal to be gay, or bi, or pan, or whatever you think you are. Doesn't change who you are." Jawn responded. He understood where Awsten was coming from, and he had an idea as to who he was talking about, and he was near positive that there was some sort of chance there; in the future, when he wasn't dating someone else. 

He didn't have much of a reason to be anxious about it. His parents were supportive of the community, and so were the majority of his friends -- in fact, Jawn vividly remembers Awsten's parents thinking he was gay in middle school. He lived in a pretty progressive area of Houston. He must've just had some internalized homophobia built up as a kid.

"But what... If I don't know?" Awsten questioned.

Otto was the one to reply this time. "I think you already do."

It was silent for a few minutes, but a content silence; Awsten was likely thinking as deeply as he possibly could for someone so high. 

"Hm. Wanna dye my hair purple?"

\------

Geoff stared at the phone in his hands in dismay. He felt really bad.

Joey was a nice guy. He really was, and he wasn't a bad sort-of boyfriend, by any means. He was sweet, and he laughed at Geoff's jokes, and he was attractive. There was just one problem, though: He wasn't motivated, whatsoever. He never did any work and didn't seem to have a plan in life, which was on his top five list of deal breakers. (No motivation/plan, does hard drugs, rude or abusive, friends hate him, and doesn't wear deodorant or shower often. Geoff valued hygiene more than he'd admit out loud.)

So, reluctantly, he ran his thumb over Joey's contact in his phone, and sighed as he pressed the 'call' button. He pressed it against his ear, and although he felt guilty for breaking up over the phone, he knew he couldn't do it in real life, it would hurt way too much. At least it wasn't over text.

"Hey, babe, what's up?" Joey answered the phone, sounding casual as always. Geoff felt his guiltiness magnify by about one-thousand percent, especially because that was his first time calling Geoff that, but he stuck to his original plan.

Geoff sighed before he spoke, obviously sounding distressed. He made sure not to use any sort of pet name or acknowledge the one previously given, as that would likely sting even more. "I uh, actually really need to talk to you about something."

He heard the sound of shuffling on the other side of the phone. He could vividly picture him sitting up in his bed. "Uh, yeah? Is everything okay?"

"Actually, not really." Geoff gulped. The hand not holding his phone was shaking slightly. Breaking up with people was always extremely difficult for him, because he hated to hurt people's feelings. "I know we aren't official, but I uh- I don't want to be. I-"

"Geoff, are you sort-of breaking up with me?" Joey asked bluntly through the phone. His voice was as smooth as usual, but had obvious sadness laced into it. 

"Uh..." Geoff was going to smooth it out, make it less tense, but decided to get out with it. "Yes. I'm sorry."

"It's okay, dude. Genuinely. If it makes you happy, go for it." Joey said, voice cutting out slightly. Geoff had a soft, guilty smile on his face. It tended to happen when he was nervous. He was kind of happy he'd decided to do this over the phone instead.

"Really? I feel bad. Are you okay, like, genuinely?" Geoff asked, laying back on his bed. He was just in his pajamas, as it was nine o'clock and he disappointingly didn't have any plans. A pathetic Friday night, he'd decided before dialing.

Joey coughed. "Yeah. I mean, I'm a little sad, disappointed even, but not mad. If I ever liked you, I should want what's best for you, you know?" 

Geoff nodded, then realized that Joey couldn't see him. He was about to respond, but then Joey continued. "Can I at least ask why?"

"Uh, yeah. That's valid." Geoff said. His fingers gripped the phone tighter. "I just... don't think we click, you know? I like you as a person, but I think we're better off as friends. I like having you as a friend." 

"I like having you as a friend too, Geoff." Joey replied. Geoff could almost see the soft smile inevitably on his face. "Catch you later?"

"Yeah," Geoff smiled, melancholy lacing it. "Catch you later, Joey." 

He then hung up, and sighed loudly, laying backwards on his bed. That was easier than he thought it'd be, but still difficult. He was thankful Wes set him up with someone so relaxed, otherwise that would've been a nightmare. The fact that Joey wasn't too upset about it made him feel better.

Geoff climbed underneath the covers of his bed — he wasn't planning on sleeping yet, as it was only nine o'clock, but rather find something on youtube to watch until he decided to go to bed.

He was about to tap on the first video when there was a knock on his door, likely his mom. He paused his action, and called back. "Come in!"

It was his mom, as expected. She was in a large sweatshirt and pajama pants, likely going to bed soon. Her thick, brown hair was tied in a loose ponytail atop her head. "Hey, kiddo. I want to talk to you about something. Don't worry, it's good news."

Geoff shut off his phone and shuffled a bit so that he was sitting up again. "Okay. What's up, mom?"

"Well, we've got plans for spring break now. It involves San Diego." She smiled.

As a kid, Geoff's family lived in San Diego with his aunt and uncle, who owned a fairly large hotel near the heart of the city. They were pretty fucking rich, but were always rather conservative about it; They were Geoff's favorite family members, but since they'd moved cities when he was about eight years old because of his dadś job offer, he rarely got to see them; with the exception of breaks and the summer.

This was apparently one of those breaks. "Wait, you're serious?" He asked, face lighting up.

"Yes. We'll be staying with Lori and Matt. But, there's more." She said, smiling widely. 

Geoff wasn't sure how it could get any better than going all the way to San Diego and seeing the family he really gave a shit about. He'd get to stay at their hotel and walk around town and go to the beach like old times. Curious, he asked "What?"

She smiled again, widely. "So, we were talking to the Knights, and heard that you and Awsten were friends again. Your dad and I need to leave a few days early, and they've been looking for a vacation for break for awhile now but couldn't afford it, so they're coming with us!"

Geoff froze. She had to be kidding. He thought maybe she was going to say he was allowed to bring a friend or two along, not that. "Um, what?"

"Yep!" She beamed, not sensing Geoff's discomfort. "Since we have to leave on Thursday, you and Sarah will get a ride with them. I trust you to stay here one night alone with your sister, but I don't want you driving all the way there since we can't afford to get you two plane tickets as well. You'll have a lot of fun, I'm sure!"

Geoff decided to smile through the pain because his mom seemed happy. "Yay."

———

"Gracie, you told them what?" Awsten asked through the phone. She'd called him about four times before he finally picked up, excusing himself from his friends. 

"Yep. I don't know, it was about a week ago, I just brought up you and Geoff being in the same club and they freaked. Now I got us a vacation in San 'fuckin Diego!"

"Gracie, this isn't good-"

"Of course it is, you blueberry colored asshole!" Gracie laughed through the phone. "We get to go to California and stay in a super nice hotel. Plus, I get to see Geoff, who's nicer to me than you'll ever be. It'll be fun. What's the harm, Aws?"

"Okay, first off, I'm a plum colored asshole now," Awsten said without thought, "And second, okay, maybe you're right."

Awsten knew Gracie wouldn't let it be until he agreed, so reluctantly, he did.

"Of course I am." He could practically hear her cheeky smile.

Awsten hung up. He wondered how Geoff reacted to the news.


	6. Listen To Me, Okay? Actually, Maybe Don’t

Why're you transferring to McVicker's, again?" Otto asked as him and Awsten walked through the hallways, heading to their now separate first period classrooms. 

"Uh, 'cause Maché hates me? Haven't you noticed?" Awsten questioned like it was obvious, slightly turning to his friend in the hallway and nearly bumping into someone else because of it.

"Not really." Otto said bluntly, because it was the truth. "I actually pay attention to, and do, my classwork."

"I do my class work, I just get finished super quickly. The only reason I have a stupid B in that class is because she was tired of me doing 'extra' (he made sure to do air quotes) experiments and constantly asking if her first name was Paper."

"Oh, yeah." Otto replied as they reached Awsten's new first period. He shook his head, patting his friend on the back. "Good luck, dude. You're probably gonna need it."

Awsten shrugged as he entered the classroom. He politely asked his new teacher where he was assigned to sit, and was directed to a table that could seat two people at it. He sighed, guessing he was sat on the left side as he waited for the rest of the class to enter, shocked that he was early for once. He was expecting the setup to be longer.

The class filled out somewhat quickly, to his surprise. He'd only recognized a few faces, maybe from a few of Jawn's parties that he'd attended in the past, but that was it. Until, of course, Geoff walked in.

He just couldn't fucking escape him, now could he?

"What're you doing here?" Geoff ever-so-charmingly asked, which wasn't entirely sarcastic because even in disgust, Geoff still sounded like he was about to puke fucking rainbows and butterflies. Then again, in theory that sounds amazing, but most of us aren't aware of the texture of rainbows, so perhaps vomiting them mixed in with flying insects is not what the american dream entails.

Awsten sighed loudly, rolling his eyes and making his body movements suggest that attitude was not what he was here for. "I transferred to this class because paper mache wasn't too fond of that nickname." 

"Well, you probably don't sit there," Geoff said, shrugging as he placed his bag on the ground and sat down in his seat. "In this class, I usually do my labs alone, the teacher knows that."

"Looks like that isn't the case anymore, dude." Awsten responded, fishing a mechanical pencil out of his bag as he didn't know what else to get out for this class as he wasn't caught up. "'Cause I'm just gonna go ahead and assume the teacher doesn't want you to work alone now that there's an even number of students."

Geoff sighed, slightly pouting but let it be, smiling. He was used to working alone, but he supposed he'd deal. Awsten wasn't his best friend (anymore, unlike his parents thought) but maybe he'd be an okay partner, if he let Geoff do most of the work. He was fine with him copying, but if Geoff were honest with himself, he wasn't looking forward to it and he really didn't want his partner to drag his grade down with him. "You're right." He smiled.

It was awkward silence for a few moments, the teacher focusing on work on her computer rather than the class and Geoff was just scrolling through his phone, despite being entertained by nothing on it. Awsten tapped the end of his pencil against the desk repeatedly, leaning back in his chair. His other class was much louder, which he preferred by far. He didn't like complete silence, it bothered him more than anything in the world. "So, do you like this class?"

"Hm?" Geoff asked under his breath, spacing out slightly. "Oh, that. Yeah, It's cool. Don't you think?" He somewhat lied, straight through his teeth.

"Sure." Awsten tried to make conversation, but failed miserably. Geoff was definitely different in class than after school, that's for sure. He just smiled awkwardly, twiddling his thumbs on the table. "So, you uh, hear the news? About spring break?"

Geoff inhaled quickly, calming himself down slightly. He turned back to him, tapping his pencil against the desk before responding. "Yeah. I'm excited. Will it be your first time in Cali?"

"Uh," Awsten was slightly hurt if he was honest, as he could tell when Geoff was lying through his teeth. He thought for a moment before responding. "No, actually. Remember when we went to Disneyland for a week, the summer between fifth and sixth grade?"

"Oh, yeah," Geoff recalled. "I uh, hated it. Didn't have any friends except for you, so I was bored out of my tiny mind."

"Oh. Sorry." Awsten shrugged. "I would've brought you if I was able."

"It's okay. How was Disneyland?"

"I threw up on the tea cups. I fuckin' hate rides."

———

"Hey, dude," Nick greeted Geoff as they slid into the desk next to him, placing their backpack on the floor carelessly. "What's up?"

"Oh, nothing," Geoff shrugged, still setting up his things. Once he was finished, he placed his head in his hand. "I'm tired as fuck. I don't want to do Geometry."

"So, you're in the same mood as every day?" Nick laughed, raising an eyebrow. Geoff glanced down at their bracelet. Blue. Nick shook his head, not bothering to get out his things or look at the board. He wished he could just do that — then again, he knew that Nick truly did care. He just pretended to be mindless about his grades so he wouldn't seem 'stupid' or incapable to others.

"Yep," Geoff replied, not voicing all his thoughts. "Your average, every-day mood. Maybe a little more exhausted than usual. I was up all night, studying." And thinking, he said to himself.

He was still pondering on his previous conversation with Awsten, spacing out. He probably should've pushed the conversation a bit harder. Maybe He didn't even realize Nick was tapping on his shoulder until Nick pushed, hard. "Wha- huh?" Geoff fell out of his trance, glancing over at him.

"We're taking notes." Nick muttered, pulling out his binder. "And I can tell something's off."

"Nothing's off!" Geoff defended himself, a little too loudly. He hated confrontation. His noise apparently attracted a lot of people, as he began to get a few stares. He ignored them, but lowered his voice. "Nothing's off."

The classroom door opening distracted the students from Geoff's irritability. Everyone's eyes naturally drifted towards it, and everyone, to say the least, was shocked. It was Alexa, in all her glory, but different — she was more confident, she was wearing makeup? her face was shaved, and she had on a pink t-shirt and leather jacket rather than her usual button-up flannel. It was somewhat subtle, but noticeable, especially to her friends who were used to the opposite.

As soon as she sat down on the opposite side of Geoff, he spoke. "What's up with you? You look good."

Alexa smirked, but it quickly turned into a wide smile. "My parents are out of town, I stayed the night at Hayley's. She insisted I borrow an old tee and a jacket, and then she said she wanted to see how I looked with winged eyeliner, and well— you get the gist."

"Well, you look amazing," Geoff mused, studying her face. 

Nick nodded with raised eyebrows, "Holy shit, Lexa! You look gorgeous!"

"Ah shit," Alexa responded, voice soft. Her hands folded in her lap, shaking her head as she looked down. "You guys are gonna make me blush." 

"What? You look stunning, seriously." Geoff said, nodding. "Fucking, great." Nick simply nodded in response, agreeing with Geoff.

"Yeah, yeah," Alexa blushed, turning away for a second before returning to face the pair. "So, what's happening with you guys? I didn't get to hear the scoop earlier."

Geoff was about to speak, but Nick interrupted him quickly. "This one," Nick gestured towards Geoff, earning a loud sigh and obvious pout, "Is upset. I can't crack why, though. Help. I think it's boy trouble." 

"You're so mean to me." Geoff pouted, throwing his head into his hands and covering his eyes. He darted back up, hands on his cheeks. "Why?"

"We wanna know," Alexa insisted, poking him in the arm, "So spill the tea. It better fucking burn me."

"Fine," Geoff sighed, lifting himself up, eyes looking back and forth at them. "I'm upset, because I have a partner in Biology now. My partner is Awsten. He's nice, and all, but we just don't- we don't click. I don't want a partner as it is, but I really don't want him as my partner. I've never had a sit-down class with him, but he seems like the type to slack off, big time. I'm not looking forward to the semester."

"Oh, shit. Sorry." Nick responded. Alexa's eyes softened. 

"It's fine, let's just get back to work." Geoff shook his head. 

Otto gave him a secretive death glare from a few seats over. Geoff didn't notice.


	7. Oblivion Makes The Heart Grow Stronger -Morgan Freeman, Probably

March 16th, 2018.

"He said what last week? Why the fuck didn't you tell me till now?" Awsten questioned his best friend on the bus ride home, as soon as Otto had told him the information that he'd heard earlier on in the day. He gripped onto the back of the seat in front of him as they hit a speedbump, passing an elementary school that was in their neighborhood. 

Otto shrugged, leaning in. "He thinks you're a dummy, grape head. I forgot until club got on topic again. But he's not wrong. You're good in school, though."

"Huh." Awsten responded, brain drowning in thoughts. "Shit."

Little did Otto know, (or so he thought) Awsten's puzzle pieces were all clicking into place, forming the big picture. Their bus had stopped just in time for Awsten's gears to short out and Otto was forced to nudge him on the shoulder roughly, knocking him out of his trance.

Otto and him were pretty good at non-verbal communication. Otto shot a glare at him to get up, but in more of a concerning way rather than aggressive. Awsten nodded back as soon as he was back on Earth, but somehow he still hadn't landed within the atmosphere. 

He stumbled off the bus in silence, backpack halfway shrugged off his shoulder. He immediately started walking home, but Otto caught up to his speedwalking — he didn't even realize he was speedwalking — and put a hand on his shoulder.

"Dude, are you alright?" Otto questioned, a brow perking up as he confronted his best friend. "Like, for real?"

Awsten slowly nodded. "Yeah, I'm just... thinking. I need time alone," He turned to Otto, speaking in soft, still spacey tones. "Not bad thinking. I'm not going to do anything stupid. I just need to think alone, I think. I'm sorry if I seem like an asshole."

"Nah," Otto shook his head, pausing in his steps. "I get it, dude. Don't die."

"Thanks, Otto," Awsten smiled, waving Otto off as he turned in the direction of his own house. Awsten kept walking, now at his original quick pace.

He bounded down the street, nearly tripping on his own feet. As soon as he got to the empty driveway, he shoved his hand into his pocket and pulled out the house keys. Everything just kept connecting, and his mind was racing, and holy shit.

Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy fucking shit.

He threw his backpack onto a chair by the front door, everything clicked, he ran up the stairs and tripped on his feet, it all made sense, he picked himself up again, no wonder he felt so weird, he ran down the hallway into the bathroom and oh my god, he stared at himself in the mirror.

His hair was messy, obnoxious purple and scattering all directions, his jacket was half off of him and somehow he'd gotten a leaf or five on it, but he had a gigantic smile on his face, even though he looked like a fucking wreck. He leaned forwards, making eye contact with himself. He couldn't believe he—

"I have a crush on a guy." He said finally, stepping back after interrupting himself. He'd repressed it for so long, it just felt... amazing to hear it out loud. Amazing, in the weirdest way possible. "I have a crush. On a guy."

He laughed, turning away before looking over his shoulder, into the reflective surface once more. "I have a crush on a guy."

He full on fucking giggled, and he didn't know why. Maybe he did. He faced his whole body towards the mirror. "I have a crush on a guy. A dude. A boy. He's a guy-person. Someone of the male specimen. I want to hold his hand and shit."

He nodded. He stuck his face really close to the mirror and laughed at himself before saying it again. "I've got a crush, on a guy." 

He stepped back, taking a deep breath. Okay, that was enough. But... maybe it wasn't. He nodded to himself. "I, Awsten Constantine Knight, have one fat crush on a boy. I like boys. I like boys. I'd like to hold one's hand and date them and all that shit."

The puzzle pieces had been formed together, officially; and the big picture was a giant bisexual flag. Blurry, and a couple of pieces had been put in the wrong place, maybe a couple were chewed up by Otto's dog, but that's besides the point — it was there. 

He paced back and forth. That felt right. So right. "That's why I get so fucking nervous, and that's why I get those dreams, and that's why- no."

He stopped in his tracks. "I'm shitting myself. This'll pass, I'm not gay, I just- but what if it doesn't pass? Shit, no, it will, I just-" He sighed, putting his hand on his forehead.

"What the actual fuck, feelings!?" He yelled, letting out an enormous breath before sitting down on the ground, beside his bathtub. "Shit's confusing."

A nice thing about being home alone was the fact he had the opportunity to think out loud, an activity which generally helped him in the long run. "I'll sort myself out. Sometime. Maybe I like him. Maybe I don't. I've gotta fucking— stay woke, or whatever the hell Gracie barks all the time."

Awsten's eyes shot open, recalling something Geoff had told him this morning before they'd left class, apparently reluctantly. They were all, the whole club with the exception of Alexa and a couple others, supposed to get frozen yoghurt at this weird place downtown, today. Geoff invited him. 

What does that mean? Did it mean Geoff liked him? (too?) Was he just being nice? Did the other club members make him? Wow, this was so much easier before... feelings.

He was going to go, that was for sure. Not just because of Geoff, obviously, he had friends in there too. Sort of. Him, Carter & Kortney got along pretty well. Inigo was nice too, and everyone in the club were genuinely decent people, from what he knew of them.

He then realized that he was supposed to go like, soon. Like, he had to leave right now. It was a long walk. Whatever.

———

Awsten had never hated frozen yoghurt as much as he did right here, right now. Never in his entire seventeen years of living. Fuck you, chocolate and vanilla swirl, he told the cup in front of him telepathically.

In reality, it wasn't the fault of the poor, miserable yoghurt. It was fucking delicious, actually. His second favorite flavor (they didn't have berry swirl, from what he'd seen) and it was covered in rainbow sprinkles. It wasn't anyone's fault but Awsten's own, if he were honest.

But, he wasn't. He was a motherfucking dirty liar, so he decided to blame his inconveniences on a dairy product that hadn't done anything negative to him in his entire, miserable, existence.

Geoff had bought it for him, actually. Stupid fucking nice... asshole, if that weren't entirely contradictory. Too nice. Awsten, like the dumbass he was, had spent almost all of his money on weed. He might've had enough for his frozen yoghurt if only he'd remembered to bring his wallet along to his misadventures. But, of course, instead of letting him learn from his mistakes, the sun himself offered to pay instead — with a wide. enthusiastic smile to top it off.

Awsten hated big, stupid, enthusiastic smile. Plus, his fluorescent blue eyes. And his arms, that looked like they could lift him up with ease and- no. Awsten needed to quit it, he was just being a hyper-sexual teenager. Wrong place, wrong time, and a little too gay for someone who wasn't even sure what the fuck he was.

Maybe it'd pass. Maybe it wouldn't. Either way, he seriously needed to get used to it before he overly freaked himself out.

Suddenly, Carter sat down beside him at the odd bar the shop had set up, placing zir yoghurt onto the counter. Awsten's eyes glanced over at the familiar purple color of the substance, but said nothing. "Hey." He decided on, because that was original.

Carter was pretty attractive too, now that he'd realized it. He had a nice jawline, and his eyes were pretty too. Again, a little too homosexual, Awsten.

It was so fucking weird, seeing the world after coming somewhat to term with your sexuality. He was noticing so many different things about guys that he hadn't even realized he'd been indirectly taking in all this time, until now.

"Hey," Carter smiled, looking back at Awsten. "What's up?"

"Can I ask you a question?" He blurted awkwardly in response, the palms of his hands opening up.

Carter shook his head yes. "Of course, dude. Shoot."

"Cool. Is it okay to like, ask about your pronouns, like, the xerxes ones?" Awsten asked Carter hesitantly, still eyeing his frozen yoghurt but saying nothing else.

"Yeah, sure." Carter said with a laugh, but appreciated the fact Awsten was trying to learn something. "They're zi, zir, zem. Not xerxes. I use other pronouns too, though."

"I know, I know," Awsten nodded, "I'm just curious like, why don't you use... just they and he?" 

"Well, I'm not sure. Kortney introduced me to the pronouns when they thought they were comfortable with them, and at first I thought they were weird, but they made them comfortable, so I rolled with it." Carter said with a shrug. "I thought on it for awhile and was like 'huh. being called zem feels right. But so does they and he. So, I just use 'em all. It's not too complicated."

"Oh," Awsten nodded. He wasn't fully grasping the concept, but was open to the idea of it. "Cool."

"Yeah." Carter responded.

"What flavor did you get?" Awsten questioned finally. "Sorry for asking so many questions, ha."

Carter's eyebrow peeled up as they sat in zir seat, a smile finding it's way onto their face. "Berry swirl, why?"

"Oh fuck, no way." Awsten pouted, staring at the ice cream-like substance longingly before glancing back up at Carter, a cartoon-esque frown on his face. "It's my favorite, but I couldn't find it earlier."

"Oh, man." Carter shook his head. He pointed to his yoghurt, but kept his stare on his friend. "D'you want some of mine, maybe?"

Awsten perked up at the concept, and noticed himself blushing slightly. Carter clearly noticed and smirked widely. "God, yes." Awsten said without thinking, sticking up his pointer finger. "D'you want me to just get like, a finger-full, or-"

Carter shook his head, his smirk switching to a smile for a moment as they grabbed zir spoon out of the cup that held the frozen yoghurt, grabbing a scoop of it and holding it out. "I haven't taken any bites yet, so you're good."

Awsten expected Carter to just hand the spoon to him, but instead he held it out in the air, the plastic silverware dangerously close to his mouth. Awsten simply laughed as Carter pulled it back towards themself, then launched it back forward as if they were going to feed it to him, but didn't.

Was this flirting? Holy shit, it might've been flirting. Awsten was... flirting with someone. Yeah, okay. That someone wasn't a chick, either. Yeah... okay.

Awsten pouted, leaning forwards with the spoon of yoghurt as he tried to eat it. "C'mon man, I just want some good fucking food."

Carter rolled his eyes teasingly, and Awsten actually picked up on it. His nerves did, at least. "Fine," Zi finally said, watching as Awsten opened his mouth and accepted the spoon, his own hand moving up to grab the handle instead of Carter's. "Are you satisfied?"

Awsten nodded as the flavor of berry hit his tongue, accidentally sucking on the spoon slightly erotically. He wasn't very good at flirting vocally, he decided, so maybe this was okay? He wasn't sure how to flirt with a guy, if he were honest. Seemed to be working though, as Carter's eyebrows shot up in slight shock as he ate the berry substance off the spoon before handing it back, clean, with a smile.

Carter had decided that Awsten Knight, for a self-proclaimed straight boy, was wonderful at flirting. 

Geoff, from across the room, had also decided this.

"What is he doing?" Geoff turned to Nick, him also staring in the direction of Carter and Awsten. Westen was standing beside him, eating their frozen yoghurt and leaning slightly against their partner in peace.

"That boy is flirting, Geoff," Nick said matter-of-factly, quirking a single eyebrow. "With someone who is definitely not you."

As soon as a paper was being slid across the table to Awsten, Geoff was speed-walking across the area.

Nick looked over at Westen, who was still eating his frozen yoghurt. He hadn't gotten any, and thus was free to throw his arm around Westen's shoulder affectionately. "Remember when that was us?"

"Yes." Westen responded simply, eating their frozen yoghurt.

"I'm so happy we aren't like that anymore." He continued, glancing at his partner. "God, I love you."

Westen looked back, smiling. "I love you too."

"I'll bet you five bucks that within ten minutes Geoff'll be back."

"You're so on."

Meanwhile, as soon as Awsten had pocketed Carter's number, Geoff was filling the seat next to his ex-best friend.

"Hey," He immediately spoke in a slightly jittery, almost upbeat tone. "You doing okay? Your favorite from when we were younger is berry swirl, right? Why, uh, why didn't you get it today?"

(In the distance, Nick whisper-yelled "He's blowing his cover!" into Westen's ear.)

"Yeah, uh," Awsten nodded, slightly confused, "I just didn't realize they had it until it was too late. Carter was just giving me a taste of what I missed out on."

"Oh, pfft," Geoff scoffed, waving Awsten off, "No need for that. You and I can just switch. I got berry, too."

Awsten raised an eyebrow, looking back at Geoff. "Are you sure?" He asked as he switched their desserts, sliding his across the counter and reaching for Geoff's hesitantly. "You hate chocolate and vanilla swirl."

Geoff scoffed again, taking his spoon and consuming a scoop of Awsten's — well, now his — frozen yoghurt. He ate it with a smile, clearly in discomfort though, which even Awsten could see. "No, I don't! See? I love it." He said.

"Uh," Awsten hesitated once more, raising his eyebrows up. "Okay."

Awsten continued to eat his own frozen yoghurt, trying to ignore thinking about how fucking genuine of a guy Geoff was. He'd just bought him frozen yoghurt, and after that, Awsten had practically ditched him to accidentally flirt with someone else, and here he was, being all nice and shit. Better yet, he clearly disliked the yoghurt he'd traded Awsten for but continued to eat it, strictly for the sake of Awsten's happiness. 

For a theater kid, Geoff wasn't very good at acting.

Maybe he was, though, Awsten had to remind himself. Awsten could clearly tell, from both what Otto said and the way Geoff acted, that they hated having class with him. He was likely only putting on his nice act for those around him.

He did think Geoff was a nice person, but he still didn't think that meant they were even close to interested in him, specifically as a friend, and especially romantically. Geoff was just nice to be nice, and to not hurt anyone's feelings. That didn't mean he didn't have any of his own.

Awsten didn't know if he even liked Geoff in that way, though. He wasn't positive. He hoped his possible crush wasn't very obvious, though — he hoped he was a better actor than Geoff.

(Spoiler Alert: He wasn't.)

However, speaking of theatre, that's what the conversation had progressed to as Geoff continued to strictly eat the vanilla side of his frozen yoghurt. "So, are you coming to How To Succeed In Business opening night? I know it's not until after break, and you didn't make it to The Addams Family but It'd be cool if you came. Only downfall of the whole thing is that I won't be at club that day, so Alexa'll have to take over. "

Awsten's heart kind of fluttered, and he hated it, but was about to respond anyways. Before he was ever-so-kindly interrupted by Jack, popping in between their shoulders.

"What about 'Lexa? Is she gonna make it, or-" Jack asked, his eyes lighting up as he awaited a response. He bit his lower lip, stepping back a couple inches after he realized he was a bit too close for comfort.

"Nah," Geoff said, shrugging. "I'm not sure why, actually. Skating, probably. I was just saying that she'll be taking over opening night, 'cause, you know, I'll be at rehearsal." 

"Oh." His face fell for a second before it perked up slightly. "D'you mind, uh, giving me her number so I can ask why? You don't have to, I just-"

"Yeah, yeah." Geoff smiled knowingly, not even realizing Awsten had turned back to Carter. They were having a very entertaining conversation with Lynn, Inigo and Kourtney that did not involve Geoff at the moment, who was reading his best friend's number aloud to Jack who was nodding and adding it to his contacts excitedly.

Geoff had the feeling he put a heart, or multiple, by her name.

"Thanks, man." Jack smiled before turning away, heading to the area outside of the bathroom after Geoff faced the bar again.

"He has such a crush on her." Geoff stated, shaking his head and looking in Awsten's direction before realizing he was distracted with other things, other people to be exact. He sighed, deciding on simply getting up from his seat and heading across the shop to where Westen and Nick were stood contently in the corner.

Nick gave him a knowing look and Westen fished five bucks out of their pocket, placing it in the open palm of Nick's hand. Before Nick could say anything, not an 'I told you so,' or an 'I knew you didn't hate him,' he said the obvious himself.

"Why the fuck do I always get crushes on straight boys?"

"In this case, 'ya don't." Nick said. "This one's just oblivious as fuck."

———

When Awsten got home, he walked through the open garage door that lead into the kitchen where his mom had multiple ingredients set out onto the counter.

"Whatcha' doing?" Awsten asked in a teasing tone as soon as he noticed them, walking to a corner a couple feet away from her and hoisting himself onto it, dangling his legs over the ground as he sat atop the counter.

"I'm making dinner tonight." She said, not paying much attention to Awsten and instead attempting to measure what looked like garlic. Awsten was pretty sure you didn't measure garlic for what looked like regular pasta, but didn't say anything about that.

His eyebrows raised. His mom was a terrible chef, or at least had a track record of being so. "You're burning down the house tonight?"

"Awsten Constantine, you shush." His mom warned, death-glaring at her son. "You're right, though. I'm attempting to make dinner. Happy?"

"Very." Awsten nodded with a cheeky smile.

She shook her head. "Anyways, where were you all afternoon? I was starting to worry a little bit."

"Oh sh- crap, sorry. I thought I told you. I was with the club. You know, Geoff, Lynn, Carter, the like." He replied as his hands knitted together.

"That reminds me!" His mom exclaimed as she shuffled across the kitchen to the fridge. "Geoff's parents have to fly out to California a few days early, so Geoff is going to be riding with us."

"Wait, we're spending like, twenty hours in the car with him? What about Rebecca?" Awsten questionef hesitantly, referencing to Geoff's eight-year-old sister. 

"She's coming too." His mom responded as if it were the most obvious thing in the entire world. "All those years of ridicule from you for having a mom van will have paid off."

Awsten's head fell into his hands. "Good God."


	8. You’re Not My Real Dad & You Never Will Be

“Okay, what do you guys wanna do today?” Alexa asked as she looked around the room at the varying faces within the club. “Without Geoff here, I have no fucking idea what to do after check-in. He didn’t give me any sort of plan. Fuck Pierrepont Finch.”

“We could watch some sort of movie on the projector?” Lynn suggested from the left corner.

“We could just hang out, maybe?” Inigo asked with a shrug.

“Actually,” Awsten said hesitantly, swallowing his own spit with a large gulp. “I have a question? For like, everyone, almost.”

Alexa quirked up an eyebrow, unintentionally elongating her winged liner. In the past few weeks, with a lot of practice, she’d gotten pretty good at it. She wasn’t Nikkie Tutorials good, but she was about average, and it looked nice.

She’d also gradually discovered that her parents didn’t really give a shit about what she did, with the exception of if it interferes with her tight schedule, and had thus decided to dress more femininely. Only slightly, as she wasn’t necessarily a super feminine girl and wasn’t quite ready for that jump, though. 

“Yeah, dude. What’s up?” She’s said almost immediately. Her and Awsten weren’t necessarily friends, but over the weeks of getting to know him, she’d realized something: He wasn’t really an asshole, just rather ignorant at times. However, he was trying to further his learning and made an effort to apply it to everyday life. 

He wasn’t insistent on his original opinions and was willing to learn about other people’s perspectives despite his obvious internalized homophobia. (Alexa had a strong theory of knowing why it existed in the first place.) She respected him, and she respected his flexibility.

Okay, so maybe they were kind of friends.

“How’d you like… know you’re not straight? For sure?” Awsten blurted out. The whole room practically went silent. Alexa and a few others shared a knowing look as subtlety as possible. Hayley, Westen, Inigo, Kortney, Nick, Lynn, Carter— okay, all of them exchanged knowing looks before Awsten continued. “Cause you know, my friend thinks he likes a friend who’s… not a chick. He asked me to ask you guys how to know. Because he knows I’m in this club and stuff.”

Carter’s eyes widened. Him and Awsten had been talking a lot lately, and they would definitely consider them friends. It got kind of flirty at times, as well, and they couldn’t help but think what if Awsten were talking about… him. They were about to answer, but Lynn shockingly did it for zem.

“I knew because I got crushes on girls. I thought they were pretty and nice, and I thought maybe I was jealous or wanted to be their friend, but as I got older I realized it was more.” She said simply. “I got a crush on a girl, full-on butterflies in my stomach, and I just kinda knew. I’d assume it‘ similar for those who like multiple genders, but I’m not positive.”

Awsten nodded. “Yeah, I- cool. I’ll tell him.”

———

Club passed by quickly without Geoff there, and Awsten had successfully ignored him for roughly two weeks.

Okay, not actually but practically. He hadn’t shown up to club that afternoon because of rehearsal, same with the last week. Why did Geoff get to miss club, but he couldn’t? Whatever. They didn’t really talk in Biology in the first place, but Awsten was extra sure not to talk to him at all.

Awsten was almost positive he… wasn’t straight. Not completely, one-hundred percent but he couldn’t get Lynn’s words out of his head. He was most likely bisexual, and still coming to terms with it. Him and Carter had sort of been flirting, and he was pretty damn sure he had a proper crush on Geoff — so that meant he had to ignore him at all costs.

Listen, there was a reason for it. Awsten didn’t want to be out of the metaphorical closet or whatever, and he didn’t want Geoff to know he liked them. It was as simple as that, but still so complicated. Awsten was unbelievably awkward around him, which was a dead giveaway of the crush: So, he’d decided it was better that when around them, they just… shouldn’t interact. At all. 

Which is hard when you have a crush, and your crush is your lab partner in one of your classes. So, incredibly difficult to an extent he didn’t know was possible. He’d wanted nothing more than to ask Geoff about anything and everything. He knew they were going to have to talk eventually, but he was putting it off til last minute.

Last minute meant now, though, as they were on their way to Awsten’s house on the after-activities bus for the Spring Break trip. They sat in seperate seats on opposing sides of the bus, both individually anxious and choosing to deal with it alone.

As soon as they’d gotten to Awsten’s house around 5:30ish (the club ran late, and there were a ton of other kids on the bus) they were fully prepared to leave. Awsten’s mom, however, was not. Rebecca and Gracie were upstairs likely doing something destructive — Gracie got along with her a bit too well. His mom’d also unstated that they weren’t leaving till at least eight o’clock so they could miss traffic and so they all (with the exception of Awsten’s dad) could sleep in the car.

So, they sat in the living room. Alone. Awkwardly.

Awsten was turning on Baby Driver as a time killer method when Geoff spoke to him for the first time in a long time. It was almost like a breath of fresh air after holding his breath for a minute, if he were being overly dramatic. (He was.) “So, how was club?”

Awsten’s face flushed at the mention of the club after he’d accidentally spilled some likely too-obvious information. “It went fine, I think. Not too thrilling, but Alexa was really good at leading. Almost better than you.”

Geoff checked his phone, a text from Alexa saying ‘haha str8er sk8er has a fat crush on you.’ “Rude,” He spoke aloud, raising an eyebrow in Awsten’s direction teasingly. (‘NO HE DOES NOT. STOP PUTTING THOUGHTS IN MY HEAD!!’) “I’m the best.”

Awsten rolled his eyes, putting his hands in the air defensively. “I know, I know. I said almost. You’re the best.”

———

“Is that it?” Awsten’s mom questioned as they stick the last of their things into the van’s trunk, shutting it loudly with a thump. It was 10pm, later than they were supposed to leave. 

“Yep.” Awsten confirmed, checking his sweatshirt picked to confirm he still had his phone, portable charger and headphones in place. He knew he put a couple blankets in the back seat, plus like three water bottles, so he was all set. “I’m good, and so is Geoff, I think.”

His mom smiled at him, putting her hand on his shoulder. They were the only ones still outside, as everyone else had been waiting inside for Awsten’s mom to check on the car for the thousandth time. The sun had long since set as it was around eight thirty, and all that was needed was his mom’s okay to leave.

“I’m so proud of you, you know.” She pondered, clearly scanning her eyes over her son’s face with a fond smile.

“I’m not proud of some of the choices you’ve made,” Shd continued, clearly hinting at the fact Awsten smoked weed — to which he picked up on as she put her hand on his cheek instead, “But I’m proud. Maybe it’s just from Geoff and Rebecca being around, reminding me of when you were little, but… I just thought you should know.”

Awsten leaned into her palm, but responded teasingly. “Mom.” 

“I know, I know, I’m sorry.” She sighed, pulling back her hand with a smirk. “You’re just all grown up, and… okay, I’ll stop. I’ll tell the rest of the gang I’m finally ready.”

“No, no, it’s fine. I’ll go tell ‘em.” Awsten shrugged it off, walking towards the house again before turning back. “And mom? Thanks.”

———

Geoff had passed out in the car as soon as his head hit the pillow he had to thank Awsten for later. Geoff was on the inside seat of the very back, while Awsten sat beside him. They’d lost a game of rock-paper-scissors with Gracie & Rebecca and thus had to sit in the way back, much to their dismay. It would’ve been okay, but the windows didn’t roll down and it got stuffy pretty quickly.

Geoff decided he was not thanking Awsten for the pillow right now, though. It was about four hours after they’d left and they’d woken up to the sound of a wrapper being opened, or maybe a ziploc bag.

They sat up groggily, trying to keep their voice down a notch. “What time is it?” He asked.

“Shh!” Awsten shushed him. “I dunno. It’s like, one? Two, maybe?”

“Why’re you up? And what’s that god-awful noise?” Geoff asked in a slightly lower voice than before, blinking his eyes and adjusting to the street lights that passed them outside. It seemed everyone except Awsten’s dad, who was driving, was fast asleep.

“Not tired. And it’s a, uh, gummy bear.” Awsten blushed, and Geoff could barely make out the visual of Awsten messing with the wrapper once again, the sound being the main distractor.

“Oh.” He replied simply, his hand lifting to scratch the back of his own head lightly. “Can I have one?”

“No.” Awsten interrupted harshly, almost immediately. He reached into the plastic that made an even louder sound than before, quickly. Before Geoff could process what he was doing, Awsten practically threw the gelatin into his mouth, chewing obnoxiously loudly. “That was my last one.”

Geoff was heavily disappointed for a moment before he processed the secretiveness and the extra gummy ‘gummy bear.’ “Wait.” He paused, glancing over at Awsten’s barely visible figure, his wide eyes lit by a traffic light they were stopped at. “Are you- Are you getting high?” 

“Dude! Shut up!” Awsten whisper-yelled, hitting Geoff in the chest lightly, not meaning to cause any real damage, just getting the point across. Geoff felt his heart drop into the stomach at the contact, but attempted to keep it on the down low.

“Sorry.” Geoff muttered, still slightly annoyed. “But seriously? Right now?” 

“Yeah.” Awsten said matter-of-factory. “Shit’s gonna last a long time, and I’m gonna take a nap real soon, so by the time I wake up they’ll have hit.”

“Whatever,” Geoff shrugged, looking out the window. He read a sign that said ‘Kerville: 2 Miles’ before looking back at Awsten. “Just so you’re aware, I’m not going to babysit you.”

“I can take care of myself.” He responded in a slightly harsh tone, louder than he expected. He clasped a hand over his mouth after realizing how loud he’d spoken.

From the pair of seats in front of them, Gracie spoke, half asleep. “Shut the fuck up.”

Geoff wanted to laugh. He didn’t.

———

Geoff hadn’t slept again after him and Awsten’s two am car ride conversation. He’d spent the night hopelessly pining and coming to terms with the fact that Awsten was really attractive, and he sort of had a crush on him, and wow that sucked because Awsten was sort-of straight. Even if he wasn’t partial straight boy, he still wouldn’t like Geoff, though. He’d like Carter. That’s who he’d been flirting with. Not Geoff.

(Not you. He reminded himself.)

They weren’t stupid. He knew Awsten was ignoring them, and he wasn’t sure why exactly, but he could take a guess: Awsten knew, somehow, about Geoff’s giant fucking crush. Maybe Nick told him of something. This was not a good thing to say the least. 

He ignored them to avoid awkwardness. Because Awsten and Carter had a thing going on, most likely. Geoff’d seen them in the hallways, flirting and doing things of that sort. He wasn’t stupid; They were most likely together, which Geoff had to respect.

Even if it sucked. Sigh.

Anyways, Awsten had just now woken up, rubbing his eyes and looking around curiously, half asleep and half lidded. Awsten’s parents were coincidentally pulling into the Dairy Queen drive through at the time for a much needed snack — the bumpy roads most likely woke him up.

Awsten took a second to do so, groggily facing the light outside and blinking slowly, patterned. Geoff would’ve described him as extremely cute if he weren’t high as a kite. He’d almost forgot that detail until the boy with plum hair actually spoke.

“Why’s the Earth ‘goin all… bump, bump?” He asked.

Again, Geoff was not an idiot. He’d been around people who were stoned before. Hell, it was a rare occurance to see Nick completely sober. He wasn’t very experienced in actually being high, but he had some… babysitting experience. This, however, would be his biggest challenge yet.

Geoff had told Awsten he wasn’t going to be his sober caregiver. He generally kept his word, but Awsten must’ve never done edibles before this moment, because he was completely out of it. Geoff, despite being annoyed, really didn’t want to get him in trouble with his parents.

Maybe it was because he had a huge crush on him as well, but that was beside the point.

“Awsten. We’re at Dairy Queen.” Geoff half-whispered. Everyone was up by now, but he was still determined to keep it down. “What do you want?”

“I want… everything.” Awsten turned to Geoff with wide eyes, cracking up in laughter. “Just ‘kiddin. I want a large fry and chocolate shake. Wait. Why is the plural for a single fry… fry? Unless there’s multiple you’ve eaten already. Then it’s fries. What the fuck? Grammar’s… whack.”

“Are you sure you’re not gonna want more?” Geoff asked Awsten, ignoring the second statement with a raised eyebrow.

“Yeah, yeah. I’m positive.”

The brunet rolled his eyes and as if on cue, Gracie turned around in her seat, leaning over the top of it slightly. “Mom wants to know ‘whatcha losers want.”

Awsten was distractedly staring at his phone, likely texting. (Probably Carter. He’d rather talk to them than you, Geoff’s mind said.) “We’ll both have the chicken strips and a chocolate shake, I think.” He said sneakily as his sort-of friend wasn’t paying attention to them.

Gracie grimaced, eyes shining as she glanced over at her brother. “He’s high, isn’t he?”

Geoff nodded hesitantly, Gracie only replying with a sigh as she shook her head, turning back around and delivering the order up to their parents. This was going to be a long drive.

———

They’d been in the car together for ten hours, besides a quick bathroom break a couple hours before. Ten hours of misery, if he were honest. He liked Awsten, a lot, but holy fuck was he annoying while high. He wasn’t wrong when he said those things were supposed to last forever: seven and a half hours into his high and Geoff was already miserable.

Nick and Westen were both the kind of stoner to stay silent for the majority of their high. Awsten was most definitely not. He didn’t stop talking, and on the rare occasion he did stop, ten seconds later he was rambling on about something else again. Including when he was eating.

Geoff had concluded that this boy did not shut up, but he couldn’t think about that fact for very long before his mind trailed to… other places.

Besides that, it wasn’t really all that miserable, Geoff was just rather dramatic. Annoying, yes, but he had a folder of notes in his phone of things Awsten had said so far, all as entertaining as the last. He just wasn’t used to extremely high Awsten.

(His folder was classily titled ‘Awsten’s High Quotes’ and had many thrilling conversations in them. It included, but was not limited to: “Were trees named after broccoli, or was broccoli named after trees?,” “Gasoline reminds me of my great grandpa. He died in a fire,” “Do apples have bones?,” and “How do we know we’re not all colorblind? Maybe the sky isn’t blue, it’s zark.” Geoff didn’t ask what zark was.)

Awsten’s parents had decided that they were going to a museum on the outskirts of El Paso to stretch their legs. It was small, and cheap, and Awsten’s mom looked it up on Google Maps. As soon as they’d parked, though, Geoff had kindly suggested that he and Awsten wait back by the car. The purple-headed boy hadn’t objected at first, as he was too interested in trying to stand, but fifteen-ish minutes after Gracie trailed behind their parents and winked at them before she waltzed inside, Awsten was getting upset.

Geoff had popped open the trunk to grab them water bottles and they were now sat outside of it, leaning on the back of the car and sipping their water. It wasn’t summer yet, but it as extremely warm outside as they were going through a still-sunny area. It was seven in the morning, but the sun had since risen and it was rather light outside, but still slightly gloomy.

Geoff couldn’t really appreciate the weather though, as Awsten was too busy suddenly complaining. He took a chug from his water bottle, nearly spilling some on himself. “‘Wanna see the paintings,” He mumbled. “This’ some bullshit.”

He nearly spilt even more water on himself. Geoff said nothing. Still, though: Awsten persisted. “Why do you hate me?”

The brunet sighed frustratedly, looking over at him as he bounced his foot up and down anxiously. “I don’t. I just don’t want your parents to find out you’re high and get pissed at you.”

“Nuh-uh,” Awsten interrupted. “Why don’tcha wanna be friends? Real friends. I miss you, and I like the way you smell, and I like having a class with you. I do. Why don’t you like me? Otto told me what you said to Nick, and Alexa, and I didn’t know you’re an asshole. Thought ‘chou were the nice one.”

A wave of realization washed over Geoff like sea foam on the Oregon coast. “Awsten, shit, I-“

“No… ‘S my turn to talk. I know I’m just an annoying club member from your past, ‘n you just talk to me ‘cause you feel obligated to, but-“ His voice softened, “I like being around you. A lot. And I’m scared, ‘cause I might like you in a way-“

Neither of them realized that the rest of the road trip members had spilled out of the museum until Awsten’s mom was five feet away and calling for them. She was at the outside of the passenger seat, looking for them as they hung around the back of the car.

“Boys! Where are you- Oh, there you are.” She smiled, rounding the corner. “The place was pretty small inside, but Gracie tried to put Rebecca on her shoulders to reach an art piece, and, well, I think it’s time we leave. Stretch your legs enough?”

Awsten nodded, and Geoff popped the ‘P’ in his reply of “Yep.” He immediately darted towards the front of the car, asking Gracie the details of what went down to distract him from what Awsten almost said.

“You good, sweetheart?” Awsten’s mom asked him as he walked to the other side of the car, opening the van’s door. 

“Yeah.” He said, shockingly an okay liar for having an internal breakdown and being stoned. “Just tired.”


	9. I Don't Have Clever Wordplay For This Chapter But Just Know It's Good

The rest of the ride, to say the least, was awkward. Almost ten hours of near silence.

Near because Geoff could vaguely hear the sound of Brockhampton and Childish Gambino through Awsten’s headphones for the majority of the ride, when he didn’t have his own headphones in. Literally, it was he had a playlist of just those artists.

He did that, facetime a couple different people, and muttered to himself. Not that Geoff hadn’t noticed. Okay, so maybe he had, and maybe it wasn’t all that silent on Awsten’s end. Only Geoff’s.

Geoff’s end was quiet because all his friends were too busy for him and he played his music at what he would consider a respectable volume. It’d padded by agonizingly slowly, to the point where Geoff was practically begging to have content to add to the ‘Awsten’s High Quotes’ folder, but they had gotten to the hotel soon enough.

It was nine o’clock at night, and everyone was exhausted. They’d all briefly met, (Or, were reacquainted with) Geoff’s aunt and uncle before all heading to their own rooms. Geoff still hadn’t seen his parents, but he understood why. They were likely still asleep.

There was a catch to the rooms, though. Obviously Geoff’s aunt and uncle couldn’t give them too many rooms. It’d be bad for business in one of their biggest prime times of the year. So, they spared, for all eight of them, two rooms.

It wasn’t as bad as it sounded, actually. One room had three bedrooms, and that’s where both sets of parents, Gracie, and Rebecca would stay. The catch was, since Awsten and Geoff were the oldest, they’d get their own studio-style room across the hotel.

(Awsten’s parents gave them a lecture about personal responsibility before letting them go off. Gracie tried to be personally responsible too, but there were only two beds. She deemed it unfair, but got over it rather quickly.

So, everyone was scattered as the boys went off to their own room and the rest of the group went off to theirs. Awsten anf Geoff still hadn’t spoken, even as their door was being opened by the keycard in Awsten’s hand.

The first thing he noticed was white. Everything in the room was stark white, with the exception of the light colored walls and picture frames scattered around the room. Even the counters were a light gray-cream color. Besides the white, the room was nice, though, and the beds looked comfortable. Two full-sizes, pressed against the right wall. Part of the left wall protruded, and had a door leading to what was most likely the bathroom. In the back area where the wall caved outwards, there was a kitchenette with a fridge, a sink, and a small amount of counter space.

A sliding glass door on the back wall led to a deck area, solid concrete and having a view from three stories in the air. Right in front of them, and slightly to the left, by the bathroom door was a small living space with two chairs and a small TV.

Awsten near immediately claimed the bed towards the back of the room before saying his first words directed at Geoff in hours: “I’m taking a shower.”

The shower turned out to be everything Awsten had needed. After going to the bathroom and stepping under the showerhead, he finally felt at peace — as if there was room to breathe, finally. He’d almost told Geoff about his massive crush, and even though he had the feeling he knew anyways, it was still relieving.

Then again, the crush still existed, which was a burden in itself — whatever, he thought, he was mostly sober, and he was anxious, but he was okay.

After stepping out and drying himself off, he’d thrown on a pair of boxers and a simple t-shirt. He was honestly not all that tired, but he’d be in bed all night so he might as well have changed into pajamas. His hair was messy, and his eye bags were at large, but he looked fine. He was fine.

He unlocked the bathroom door and walked out, and Geoff had on pretty much the same thing and had his bag organized on the top of a chest at the end of the bed. The only thing lighting up the room now was a warm-toned lamp at the end table between the two beds. Geoff was sat on his own bed, only halfway under the covers and scrolled his phone mindlessly. He looked unfocused, spaced out almost. His eyes looked a bit glazed over with… worry, almost? Hm.

Awsten continued to his bed mindlessly, still recovering from his near sixteen hour high, something he likely wasn’t planning on doing again. All his emotions had stayed bottled though, despite his somewhat peaceful shower. It seemed that thoughts about Geoff were the cause of the fog on the bathroom mirror. 

He tried to ignore it. He really, truly did. Geoff put his phone down on the side table with a rather loud whack sound as Awsten collapsed onto his bed, half-sitting up against the headboard. Out of the corner of his eye, Awsten saw Geoff adjust himself so he was mostly laying down before deciding it wasn’t comfortable. Instead, he sat up again and removed his shirt, throwing it towards where his bag was. It missed, barely.

(Repress, repress, repress, repress…)

“No more bullshit.” Awsten finally spoke. The gates had opened. Floodwater drenched the floor. “Why do you hate me? Like, actually?”

“I don’t. Why’d you ignore me for two weeks, then expect me to babysit you during a twenty hour drive?” Geoff turned to him, still sitting up in bed. His knees curled to his chest. “You think I didn’t notice all week? Seriously? I… I did.”

Shit. “I… didn’t do that. Or need you to babysit me. I just… didn’t think you wanted to talk.” Awsten responded awkwardly. “Cause you know, you hate me. You talked shit about me to your friends, and I think that’s a better hate motive than ignoring your ass!”

Geoff scoffed, silence filling the room for a moment as he re-adjusted himself so he was completely sat against his headboard, biting a nail. Awsten was in the same position as before. The brunet looked back at him. “I can tell when you’re lying, you know? You do that thing where you scratch your collarbone… Or jaw. Or both, sometimes.”

“No, I don’t-“ Awsten noticed that his left hand was itching at his right collarbone. “Shit.” 

“See?” Geoff said, nodding at the action. “Stop accusing me of shit I just said because I didn’t want to have a class with the guy I wouldn’t admit I had a crush on. You fucking got me, Awsten: I admit it. Now tell me why you ignored me for so fucking long.”

“I, uh,” Awsten stuttered, deadpanning while he glanced away. His thoughts were frozen.. There was no point in lying at this point. “Because, fuck, might as well tell you. Ignoring you was easier than telling you that I figured out I’m bisexual because I have a stupid crush on you, too.”

The room went dead silent. 

“Awsten?” Geoff spoke clearly, firmly. It almost sounded more like a statement, in some ways.

“Yeah?” Awsten questioned quietly, voice small. He sighed.

Geoff inhaled and exhaled a large breath. “Come over here.” 

Awsten’s eyebrows furrowed together and his gaze was suddenly shared with Geoff’s, who was completely serious. “Why?”

“Just do it.” Geoff said, sitting up further and moving to the side of the bed, his feet hanging over the edge. “I’m not going to like, hurt you or anything, obviously.”

Awsten shrugged, hooking his legs over the side of his bed. The gap between their faces was only about two feet, and Awsten was preparing to stand so that he could get up and walk to Geoff, but he was stopped almost immediately as the collar of his shirt was being tugged on roughly.

He was face to face with Geoff, both of them breathing heavily. Awsten had almost thought his last statement was proven untrue as their mutual stare held.

That was, until Geoff’s eyes glanced down at Awsten’s lips and suddenly, they were kissing.

Awsten froze, but wasn’t complaining; Just stood in shock. He almost forgot to kiss back, but didn’t, just as Geoff was about to pull away but decided against it. Geoff’s hand moved from Awsten’s collar to the fluorescent hair on the back of his head, and after he’d regained balance on his feet, one of Awsten’s hands held onto Geoff’s jaw.

He’d never kissed a guy, actually; Girls, a couple, but never a guy. He never really considered kissing a man, if he were honest. He had thought about it, sure, but never considered that he would act on those thoughts. It was nice. A bit rougher, and Geoff’s lips were soft but still a bit dry, but it didn’t necessarily make it bad.

Geoff scooted back on the bed a bit, and Awsten followed suit, until he scooted a bit too far back and while trying to get on top of him, Awsten fell into where his chest and neck met instead. At first it was tense, but they quickly started laughing extremely hard, Awsten on top of Geoff in a fit of laughter, still holding onto his jaw.

They laughed for what felt like forever, and their gazes held for a second. Awsten was still trying to keep his laughter down as Geoff ran his hand through his hair and had a fond smile on his face, moving the hand to his bangs and pushing them back for a second.

“So. That’s cool.” Geoff said mindlessly, a dopey smile still stuck on his face, hand running through his hair. “What do we do now?”

Awsten giggled, trying to looking up at Geoff’s hand. He put on a fake serious face, keeping their gaze. “Tell me I look sexy with my hair pushed back.”

“Did you just make a Mean Girls reference after we finished making out? That’s so not funny.” Geoff tried to keep a straight face, but ended up smirking, staying in place.

“Cmon, do it!” Awsten teased, and for a moment, it was as if they were kids again, play-wrestling on Awsten’s bottom bunk. Not in a weird way. In a nostalgic, fresh way. Only now they were older, and they could do whatever they wanted.

Geoff suddenly pulled Awsten out of his trance as he moved his hand out of his hair, quickly grabbing his shoulders and flipping them over so that Geoff was now hovering over him. Awsten let out a few incoherent noises, but didn’t fight it off completely.

Geoff balanced on his right hand and his knees and ran his hand through Awsten’s hair again. He smiled fondly, leaning down to give him a small peck. Awsten could stare at Geoff’s smile forever. 

“You look sexy with your hair pushed back.” Geoff said finally, in a slightly lower voice. Awsten liked the higher pitch, but he’d definitely admit the lower voice was hot.

“That’s all I wanted.” Awsten said, moving his head up to connect him and Geoff’s lips again, keeping himself up on his elbows. The hand in his hair returned to the back of his head, holding him stable.

From there, it was less humorous and more intense. They made out heavily for what felt like eternity, ignoring everything other than what was inside the hotel room. Geoff shifted so that one of his knees was now between Awsten’s legs, and he accidentally moved it up a bit too far, eliciting a loud, squeaky noise from Awsten.

Awsten broke the kiss. “Oh my god, I am so sorry, that was really embarrasing-“

Geoff laughed. “It’s… okay. Kind of hot, actually. Surprising, but still.”

“Oh?” Awsten raised his eyebrows. He shifted slightly.

“Um, sorry…” Geoff smiled softly, his mouth closed. “I uh, yeah… Do you want to do anything? Like, more?”

Awsten thought for a moment. His voice went high. “I mean… yeah. Yeah, I’d like to. I just haven’t ever-“

“Had sex with a guy. Yeah, cool. I um, could show you how if that’s… Okay? God, I probably sound like a creep. But I promise if you say yeah, I’ll… go slow and stuff.”

“Well, I’d be- wait, you’d go slow? What makes you think I’d be the one… taking it?” Awsten asked carefully.

Geoff moved his knee up again, to which Awsten made another obnoxious noise. He muffled his own laughter. “That. Also, bottoming… what you call taking it… Isn’t my forté. I’m not a huge fan. Most guys bottom their first time anyways.”

“Stop that.” Awsten said halfway teasingly, nodding at Geoff’s knee. Geoff instantly pulled it back and Awsten sighed. “Not like, actually. I- I just, don’t know for sure, you know?”

“That’s okay.” Geoff said, leaning down and pecking him on the lips again, only holding it for a little bit longer than before. He moved his knee up slightly, but not to the point where they made contact again. “I’m fine with making out until the sun comes up, but I gotta say, I really like the mental image of you writhing underneath me.”

Awsten visibly blushed, moving his neck to the side so that he could use one of his hands to cover his face. “I never uh, said we couldn’t, you know… do… other stuff.”

Geoff raised his eyebrows again. “Oh, uhh…” He moved his knee up again, effectively getting a reaction out of Awsten. “Is that okay?”

Awsten nodded quickly, almost embarrassingly. “Do it again. Please.”

Geoff did it again, pushing his knee lightly into his crotch and leaning down to kiss him again. Awsten instantly held onto his face by the jaw, leaning into it and deepening it as much as possible.

After a bit of the same thing over again, Geoff pulled away for second, a trail of spit connecting their mouths. Awsten giggled at the sight before it gave out. “I uh,” Geoff said, “Can I blow you?”

Awsten was slightly surprised at his own response. “Uh. “Yeah, yeah, I… yes. Can we like… readjust, though? So we’re not like, half sideways and stuff?”

Geoff shuffled so that he was off of Awsten, sitting upright near the end of the bed. Awsten slipped off his shirt and tossed it onto the floor too, to which Geoff raised his eyebrows. He moved his body somewhat awkwardly, making it so that he was laying half up half down, the back of his head almost hitting the headboard. His legs were mostly spread apart. “I, um, I’m good.”

Geoff nodded, and moved to between his knees. “Is this okay?” He asked as he reached for the waistband of Awsten’s boxers, pulling them down slightly and exposing his hipbones.

“Yes.” The boy with purple hair said almost immediately, which sent a spark up Geoff’s spine. He pulled the boxers off all the way, slipping them past Awsten’s feet before he re-spread his legs. Geoff stared for a second, but not in a judgemental way, only to take it in.

Awsten wasn’t big, by any means — not that it mattered, really. He was about average, maybe a little less. He was really hard, too, so that affected it as well. Geoff could tell that he was getting antsy, and probably anxious too because this was his first time being with a guy.

He knead his right hand into the skin of Awsten’s upper thigh. “I have two questions. One, you’re still good with this, right?”

“Yes.” Awsten agreed, tipping his head forward to make eye contact with Geoff. “Yes, definitely.”

“Cool. Also, before I start, would you uh, mind showing me how you like, jack off…” Geoff’s eyes shot downwards to avoid awkwardness, “You know, so I know how to…make you feel good properly, if that makes sense.”

Awsten visibly got harder, and nodded. He spit on his hand quickly, (which was extremely hot, in Geoff’s opinion) and put his hand around the base of his dick, sliding it up slowly and in a circular motion. His breath hitched, obviously trying to keep quiet. 

“I, shit, I do this. Over and over, then go faster,” He said, “But when I’m gonna… come, you know,” He brought his hand even further up, sliding his hand around the tip and thumbing it a bit while still doing a somewhat circular motion, “I, fuck, do this.”

He kept going for a second, mainly because Geoff was basking in the glory that was Awsten Knight. His legs seemed to spread a bit more, and his head tilted back a bit as he continued. His hips thrusted up slightly every time his hand went a bit higher.

Geoff soon shooed his hand away, and it was then that Awsten processed that he was doing with a guy — he was shockingly okay with it, though. Geoff’s hand was a bit rougher, and bigger, than his own or a girl’s, but he didn’t find himself objecting to it. It was different, but not in a bad way. A handjob was a handjob, and although it wasn’t what he was used to, it wasn’t really all that dramatic. The fact that he actually had feelings for Geoff made it better than some of his past experiences, though.

Geoff’s hand moved slow at first, teasingly, and Awsten attempted to stare at him and keep his noises minimal, but muffling then was difficult. Geoff’s tongue tucked between his teeth as he concentrated on making him feel good, and Awsten couldn’t help but let out a moan, louder than he meant to.

“Shit, I-“ Awsten began, accidentally thrusting up into Geoff’s palm, “It’s just really-“

“Awsten,” Geoff said, looking up at him and locking their eyes, “You can make noise, but shut up.” 

Awsten blushed as Geoff backed up slightly, getting more so on his knees than sitting up as he was before. He leaned his head towards where his hand continued to get Awsten off, and as he lowered his head to take Awsten partially into his mouth, he stopped moving his hand much and instead gripped the base. 

As Geoff took him into his mouth as much as he could fit at the moment, Awsten let out a few loud moans. “Oh, fuck,” He said, his head throwing itself back, “Oh my god, shit, that’s… wow.”

The brunet pulled himself off for a moment, going back to a simple hand job. “D’you like that?”

Awsten nodded rapidly. His hips lifted up again, somewhat accidentally fucking up into Geoff’s grip. “Yes, holy shit. Don’t stop.”

Geoff smirked, moving his hand extremely slowly. “D’you want me to keep going?” 

“Yes, yes, I just said that. Why would you ask that if I just said I did?” Awsten replied, head hazy.

“I’m testing a theory,” Geoff responded with a smile. “Say please, and I’ll continue.”

“Please. Jesus Christ.” The boy said, voice straining slightly.

Geoff laughed before keeping his word, re-attaching his mouth to Awsten’s dick. He’d had practice deepthroating before, and Awsten wasn’t really too much to take, so they took him in their mouth all the way to the base, moving his hand out the way as he bobbedu up and down a little bit faster. Awsten covered his mouth with his arm, muffling a string of curses. 

This continued for a bit, before Awsten spoke again. “Geoff, Geoff, stop. Look at me.”

Geoff immediately sat back up to make sure Awsten was okay, pulling his hands back as well. “Wait, what’s wrong? D’you need to stop? If you’re uncomfortable, that’s ok-“

Awsten shook his head and with no warning, sat up and reached for the back of Geoff’s neck, pulling him into a deep kiss. Their teeth hit each other for a moment, but it wasn’t too awkward. “No, no, I’m fine.” He said after he let go, “I’m better than okay. I just… I really want you to fuck me.”

“Wait, you mean-“

“Yes, shit. I’m desperate. I wanna try this.” Awsten said honestly, clearly antsy. His breaths were uneven, and with each one, his hips adjusted themselves. “Some hotels have condoms and shit in their drawers, right?”

Geoff blushed. “I actually uh, have them… in my bag. I didn’t like, expect this to happen or anything but like…” He trailed off, an embarrassed smile on his face. “I kinda wanted to have sex with a California guy. I won’t now, but-“

“Geoff, it’s uh, fine. Thanks for being honest?” Awsten shrugged it off. “Just get a condom, and get over here, and fuck me. It’s not that hard, is it?” 

Geoff choked on some air. “Yep. Yes, got it,” He said as he climbed off of Awsten, getting off of the bed and walking over to his bag, digging through one of the side pockets, grabbing the needed materials. He hadn’t even noticed that Awsten was jacking himself off on the bed until he walked back over there.

He stood with his mouth wide open, taking in the scene before him and getting extremely hard. Geoff didn’t even realize it was possible, but he was the most turned on he may have ever been. It took a moment for Awsten to even notice him, but when he did, he didn’t stop.

“What… shit… are you doing?” He asked through a few heavy breaths, locking eyes with Geoff.

Geoff looked down, biting his lip before glancing back up. “Sorry. Just, uh… never mind.”

“No, uh…” Awsten said, continuing his action from before, but slowing down a bit. “What was it?”

“You just… damn. You’re like, really hot.” Geoff said simply, staring at him dead on. His eyes darted down to his own boxers, still on. He pointed to them. “D’you mind if I, you know, take these off? Kinda hard to do anything with them still on all the way.”

Awsten nodded, putting his hands on his lower stomach as Geoff slipped off his boxers, his lips dissapearing into a thin line. Awsten grabbed a an unused pillow from the side of the bed and positioned it underneath his hips as Geoff climbed on the bed, sitting on his knees between Awsten’s (extremely long) legs.

It was kind of awkward, but Awsten looked down at Geoff’s dick. It was substantially large, but maybe that was just Awsten’s mind freaking out because it was going inside him. In reality, he was a bit above average, but not ridiculous in size.

“Y’know, it’s rude to stare.” Geoff said teasingly, grabbing the small bottle of lube from beside him and squirting an okay amount on three of his fingers. Awsten simply blushed. 

“This’ll be uncomfortable, for the record. S’not really supposed to hurt, though. That’s kinda a myth.” He continued, to which Awsten nodded. “Might sting, for like, a second, but it’s not too bad at all. The first time I bottomed, it was weird, but not like… painful. Except in the morning.”

Awsten raised his eyebrows as Geoff inserted one finger inside of him, which wasn’t too intense at all. Just slightly uncomfortable. “Wait, you’ve like, taken it… up there before? Why wouldn’t you let me top, then?”

“Like I said before,” Geoff moved the finger around a bit more, “Not my forté. Plus, I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t thought about how this would… go down.”

“Wait, have you like… jacked off to me before?” Awsten asked, blushing. Geoff added a second finger, which was long overdue. Awsten hadn’t really felt anything so far, but talking about this kind of thing was, well, exciting him a little more.

“I’ll answer that in a second. Before we do this like, properly, I gotta make sure you haven’t eaten in… awhile. Sorry. Total fucking boner killer but I gotta know.”

“Yeah,” Awsten laughed genuinely. “Before I showered. So, I’m good, and uh… yeah. But don’t change the subject. Have you ever thought about me, while you were, you know? You owe me that after the boner killer.”

“Masturbating? In all honesty, yeah.” Geoff blushed, scissoring his fingers, to which Awsten showed an obvious facial expression of surprise to. “I wouldn’t try to, but sometimes I’d look at porn on like, tumblr and stuff, and sometimes the guys’ bodies looked a little too much like yours, and just… yeah.”

Awsten nodded. He was originally going a bit soft out of the pure boringness of the actual action so far, but he figured this had to be worth it somehow. If they were to have sex a lot they could probably skip over this part, right?

He caught his thoughts in a bear trap. He was thinking about doing this again, and they hadn’t even gotten to the good part yet. Geoff really was special, wasn’t he? Awsten found himself wanting to properly be with him, even if it meant uncomfortable ass fingering.

That was a weird way to phrase it.

“You good?” Geoff asked. He slipped in another finger, which was the most uncomfortable of them all. At first he felt a slight pinch, but nothing extreme. Geoff moved these ones a bit quicker than the last two, and his hands were shaking a bit. It was obvious he was tedious, but took his time anyways. “You seem a little spaced.”

“Yeah, yeah. I’m good.” Awsten responded, coming back into reality. “Just wondering when the like, good shit happens. Doesn’t hurt, s’just a little uncomfortable.”

“Good shit? This is the peak of it.” Geoff said in the most serious tone he could muster. Awsten’s face paled. “Nah, just kidding. I just gotta find your spot. Hold on.”

Awsten waited for a moment as Geoff moved his fingers around, shifting them a little bit. It was rather uncomfortable for a couple seconds, before…

“Oh, oh my god. That’s- that’s... wow.” Awsten’s eyes widened as Geoff hit whatever that was. He continued to move his fingers around, even after Awsten had obviously noted that he suddenly understood.

“S’good, huh?” Geoff asked, continuing to move, but less intensely. Awsten nodded. “Won’t always be like that, it’ll probably be a little more lowkey, especially at first, until you’re close. Then I’ll probably pick it up again, yknow?”

“Yeah, yeah. Do it again.”

Geoff did it again, and again, until his fingers were cramped and Awsten was thrusting his hips upwards and trying to get more.

“I think you’re ready?” Geoff asked, his voice laced with humor as Awsten rolled his eyes, shifting his hips.

“Yep. Gotta admit though, I’m not sure how that’s gonna fit inside me.” He responded, gesturing vaguely to Geoff’s crotch. “Then again, I didn’t think three fingers could either, so let’s try the impossible, hm?”

It didn’t take too long for Awsten to adjust to the start of Geoff pushing in. He wasn’t entirely comfortable, but he wasn’t in pain because Geoff took his time prepping him. Sex really wasn’t supposed to hurt, apparently, which Awsten was very thankful for.

Awsten’s legs hooked around Geoff’s waist as he thrusted into him. As expected, he didn’t feel much at first, but it was slowly building. Geoff’s hand was wrapped around his dick as he continued to push in and out and it was getting better and better until Awsten definitely understood why people liked being on the receiving end of this.

“Shit, Geoff, you’re like, almost hitting it.” Awsten muttered, trying to adjust them so that he could hit it dead on, but Geoff stopped him.

He suddenly moved his angle slightly upwards, and Awsten literally turned to jelly beneath him. His body went halfway limp and he cried out, digging his nails into Geoff’s back. “Yeah, that’s, oh, that’s good.”

“You look really hot.” Geoff said out of the blue, kissing Awsten on the mouth somewhere between roughly and lovingly. He still wasn’t going a particularly fast pace, but it worked for them both.

Awsten broke the kiss, blushing slightly. “Thanks, I think? I’m sorry, I’m just not… positive how I respond to that, you know?”

Geoff let out a breathy laugh. “Tell me I look hot too?”

“But what if you don’t?” Awsten giggled as Geoff pushed into him deeper, jerking him off quickly. His talking was slow, and stuttery but still rather clear, somehow.

Geoff shook his head. “Then I’ll pull out and leave you to fend for yourself.”

“Then you look hot, too.” Awsten said before moving one of his hands up to Geoff’s neck, pulling him in close for another kiss.

———

Awsten laid with Geoff, head halfway on his chest. He traced small partners across Geoff’s ribcage, looking up at him, half asleep.

“That was good.” He said softly, not trying to start a full-fledged conversation, but still interested in talking. It felt right to talk about it.

“Really good. I think you’re the best I’ve ever had.” Geoff said honestly.

“Wait, seriously?How many people have you… you know’d with? My body count’s two, well, now three. Pretty minimal.”

“Seven, now eight. All guys. I found out I was gay pretty early, so I never had sex with a girl. I used to like more casual stuff, then I realized it wasn’t for me.” Geoff responded.

Awsten blushed at the last part, but didn’t ask about it. 

“D’you want something to eat?” Geoff asked out i the blue.

“Nah. If I wanted something I could just get up and get it myself.” He said in reply, continuing to trace patterns into Geoff’s ribcage. “Why?”

“Cause tomorrow your ass is gonna hurt. Especially because of how you got near the end there.” Geoff responded, laughing a bit. He made his voice go to a higher pitch. “Desperate.” 

“Oh, fuck you!” Awsten laughed with him, looking up and smacking Geoff on the cheek lightly with the palm of the hand that was just on the chest. “You loved it, dumbass!”

“You’re right.” Geoff said truthfully. “I did.”

They fell asleep like that.


	10. The Closet's Getting Kind Of Stuffy, Maybe We Should Get Out Of  It?

Spring Break was entertaining, to say the least.

 

The first morning, Awsten woke up with arms wrapped around his bare waist. Sunlight poured into the room, which was the first thing he’d noticed. The second was the pain in his ass — no, literally.

 

Everything hit him at once, kind of. He laid there, being held loosely by the guy he liked, processing everything. He was no longer a virgin, in the male sense. He was definitely bisexual, and this confirmed it. 

 

“Holy shit.” He said, accidentally louder than he meant to. Geoff shifted, pressing his chest against his bare back even further. He groggily lifted his head up, which Awsten only got a slight glimpse of, but his heart fluttered in his chest anyways.

 

“What’s goin on?” Geoff asked, pressing a light, sloppy kiss to Awsten’s cheek. He visibly began to wake up even more.

 

Awsten slightly turned his neck to face him. “I just… last night.”

 

Geoff brought his head back down, closer to the back of Awsten’s head, near the crook of his neck. He traced part of Awsten’s stomach, which he could tell tickled slightly. “Oh.” He said. “Do you regret it?”

 

The boy with purple hair turned himself over semi-awkwardly, trying to face Geoff, picking up his hands and making their fingers intertwine. “No, oh my god. God no. I just… S’weird.”

 

“What’s weird about it?” Geoff quirked an eyebrow, running his thumb over the back of  Awsten’s hand.

 

Awsten smiled softly. “I spent my whole life thinking I like girls and girls only, and then I’m crushing on this fucking  _ amazing  _ guy, right? And then I’m bottling it all up, for  _ weeks,  _ and then I get to let everything out, finally? And in that way? S’fucking cool, and changes everything.”

 

Geoff smiled and pecked him on the lips. “That is pretty cool.  _ Weirdly  _ cool. I wonder who the amazing guy is, though.”

 

“Shut up.” The boy with purple hair stated. “It’s just so…  _ wow.  _ Thought maybe I’d freak out, cry, or get super defensive and do the whole  _ I’m not gay, I just like dick,  _ thing. Nope. I was a sorta-homophobic asshole, but the past couple months have been pretty fucking liberating. Geoff, I’m  _ so  _ goddamn bisexual. I’m not gonna wear a cropped top or fishnets or a dress or anything, or maybe even  _ come out  _ yet, but I’m… okay with it.”

 

Geoff smiled. “Nor do I expect you to.” He moved his hand to Awsten’s jawline with his free hand. He could feel both their pulses through the palms that were together. He kissed him softly, slowly. It wasn’t sexual, it was just because he could. “I’d hate to break up your coming out party, but we need to get ready. It’s 9:30am.”

 

Awsten frowned, pecking Geoff’s lips again. “Why? I think I would kiss you forever, if I could.”

 

Geoff blushed, his face getting hot and so he turned away for a second. Once he had the chance to cool, he looked back at Awsten. “Your sister is coming to get us at 10:30 for brunch, remember? We have the rest of forever to make out. Don’t you wanna meet my aunt and uncle?”

 

“Oh,  _ yeah.  _ Fuck. My ass hurts, I don’t know how I’m going to sit down at breakfast for like, at  _ least  _ an hour.” Awsten said, moving his hips around uncomfortably. He winced slightly.

 

“I have scratches on my back. Your nails are fucking  _ sharp.  _ We’re even.” Geoff smiled, moving his arm to scratch what he could reach of his shoulder blades. He noticed a very noticeable mark on Awsten’s neck as well, but figured it was best not to note for now.

 

Awsten winced. “That’s  _ so  _ not even. Feels like I had a knife up there, not your dick.”

 

“Okay, so, are we even if I blow you too?” Geoff suggested somewhat awkwardly, as he was a teenager who although was not a virgin, did  _ not  _ know how to dirty talk.

 

“You, Mr. Wigington, have got yourself a deal.” Awsten laughed, his smile growing as wide as possible as he flipped himself onto his back.

 

———

 

Awsten was the only one of the two that showered that day — completely  _ alone.  _ Geoff instead he’d be fine without one, and honestly, Awsten believed him. Geoff always smelled like everything good in the world, with a little bit of blue  _ axe  _ mixed in.

 

Once he’d gotten out, he was immediately greeted by Geoff who was sat on his bed playing games on his nintendo switch. What a shocker. He looked up as soon as Awsten shut the door behind him. “I was gonna make you breakfast, but well, you know.”

 

Awsten was dressed in a smile red t-shirt and basketball shorts, sitting on the edge of his bed to put on his socks. “Yeah, thank you anyways. You’re a good boy— whatever we are.”

 

“I mean,” Geoff began, voice trailing off as he internally panicked. He faced the area of where Awsten was, putting on his socks. “You can say that word… if you want, I mean… We don’t have to or anything, I just—“

 

“Geoff, yes.” Awsten interrupted. “You don’t have to ask the whole question. I’ll be your, like, boyfriend? I’m not super ready to come out, but I wanna date you. Be together. Hold your hand and shit.”

 

“Wait, really?” Geoff asked, his eyes lighting up. “I mean… cool. So, we’re dating now, huh? That’s, uh, cool.”

 

“I really like the word boyfriend ‘comin off my tongue. Like,  _ Geoff? Geoff Wigington? Yeah, he’s my boyfriend. I’m his boyfriend. We’re boyfriends.  _ It sounds so nice.” Awsten stated, finishing putting on his socks as Geoff moved his nintendo switch to the side table. Awsten moved over the top of Geoff’s frame, then laid his head on his lap. It was nice.

 

Geoff cracked a smile, putting his hand in Awsten’s hair. “I like the word  _ boyfriend  _ ‘comin off your tongue, too.”

 

———

 

Gracie came by to get them around 10:45 — no doubt getting lost, distracted, or both within the large hotel halls. Awsten had returned to the bathroom to do something, most likely his hair, and so Geoff stood in the doorway with Awsten’s sister impatiently.

 

“So,” Gracie began suspiciously, “How’d you guys sleep?”

 

“I slept pretty well.” Geoff responded, a very noticeable edge to his voice. Gracie read into it. “Awsten is seemingly pretty wiped out, though.”

 

“Awsten’s always wiped out.” Gracie stated, an eyebrow quirking upwards as she peeked into the room again. “Why’s only one bed made?”

 

“Silly me, forgot to make my bed.” The brunet shot back in return with a big, nervous smile. He turned his body into the room and raised his voice. “Awsten, get the hell in here!”

 

Gracie and Geoff held a harsh gaze, Awsten walking ridiculously slowly out of the bathroom. He held a hand against his neck and his sister absolutely noticed the odd fashion of which he walked, moving slightly to the side and as if it were a struggle. She scoffed.

 

“Dude, why are you doing that?” The platinum blonde asked.

 

“Doing _ what _ ?” Awsten questioned fakely, very much aware of the greatly suspicious vibe that he was giving off. He was too busy attempting not to be overly suspicious to care.

 

Gracie rolled her eyes, strutting up to him and forcing the hand off his neck and used her own hand to muffle the laughter that involuntarily spilled from her vocal chords. There was a huge mark on his neck covering the area beside his adam’s apple, a thick purple-blue cloud tainting the skin. It was ridiculous and something that would only happen to Awsten. 

 

“Oh… my…  _ god! _ ” Gracie cackled.

 

Awsten’s face, on the other hand, had turned an obnoxiously bright color as his eyes shot open. Geoff stayed silent and twiddled with his thumbs anxiously as Awsten attempted to come up with an excuse. “I- It’s not.. What it-” He sighed out, choking up a little bit, “Geoff accidentally- uhm, hit me-”

 

“ _ Save it _ .” His sister stated, putting a hand on his shoulder to calm him down as she rolled her eyes. She unexpectedly began to dig through the small handbag that was strung over her shoulder. Awsten and Geoff shared a nervous glancing, standing still in slight shock.

 

Her bag must’ve been comparable to Hermione Granger’s, because she now held a small tube of skin stuff, another tube full of something peach-colored, and a sponge. Geoff, having theater experience and had spent time doing makeup for shows in the past, knew that what Gracie had was concealer, yellow-orange color corrector, and a knockoff beauty blender.

 

“You’re lucky I come prepared.” She said simply, directing Awsten to tilt his head to the side. He sighed before complying. Gracie smiled contently and put the cream corrector straight onto his neck, not taking her sweet time.

 

Awsten shivered. “This is cold, and that is embarassing.”

 

“Then tell Geoff not to pull this shit anymore.” Gracie stated bluntly, buffing the product out. It was better than before, but still not completely done. The vibe in the room suddenly got less positive, and she put away the first cream and dug through her purse for the concealer as she spoke again. “I…” Her voice was high, “I don’t care, you know. That you are whatever you are. I just wish you would’ve told me sooner, y’know?”

 

“I just recently figured it out myself. It’s still resonating, to be honest.” Awsten said as she continued to dab at his neck awkwardly. Geoff stood silent, letting them have their moment.

 

“I assumed, but still.” She continued, changing the angle. “I’m  _ definitely  _ not mad, at all. Kinda saw it coming, but I guess I just thought you’d come to me. I know I’m younger, but I could still help.”

 

Awsten sighed, which Gracie struggled to apply the concealer during this. She finished, finally, and Awsten decided to speak again. “I’m still struggling with it, y’know. However, you came to the rescue at the right time, even though you feel betrayed. Thanks for that.”

 

“You’re my brother,” Gracie smiled. “You’re fucking stupid, and I’m a little bit sad I had to find out this way instead of cutting into a rainbow cake, but I don’t want mom to kill you for having hickeys on your neck.”

 

Brunch went by pretty smoothly, as it was just hanging out with both boys’ families. (Which included Geoff’s aunt and uncle, which Awsten has formed a rather positive opinion of. They seemed really nice, and they had an amazing vibe that felt hard to describe but still  _ good.)  _ Geoff and Awsten had the chance to hold hands beneath the table as well, which was comforting.

 

Nobody seemed to notice, with the exception of Gracie who was  _ extra  _ inquisitive. She was more likely to blow their cover than themselves.

 

The rest of the day was a breeze. Awsten and his family walked around town, classic tourist activities, and Geoff joined in. It was pretty simple and relaxed, which both of them appreciated after a long drive.

 

———

 

jThe next day, Geoff and Awsten spent the majority of in the hotel’s pool, to the point where the bottoms of their feet looked like prunes. They didn’t complain. The pool was big, and nice. and swimming was really fucking fun.

 

At one point, Awsten’s mom had come down to ask him if he wanted to join his family on visiting the aquarium, to which he declined. She simply shook her head and accepted the answer, leaving them alone (which the exception of other hotel guests.)

 

“Why don’t you wanna go? I’ll be fine on my own, go look at all the fish. S’pretty cool.” Geoff asked, treading water as Awsten held onto the ledge to take a break.

 

“I’m sure it is, but one time when I was high, I watched orca documentaries for four hours straight. It’s  _ not _ cool, dude. Babe. Dudebabe?”

 

“Okay,  _ dudebabe.  _ It’s not that bad though, is it?”

 

“Yes, it  _ is.  _ One had this orca swimming in circles for literal hours while  _ mad world  _ played in the background. They swim so fucking much in the wild, those tiny cages make them go  _ crazy.  _ Plus, they starve them so they’ll put on a good show.” Awsten stated matter-of-factly. “It’s  _ fucked. Up.” _

 

“Stay woke.” Geoff mocked, putting his hands up.

 

“I’m  _ serious.”  _ Awsten pouted at him. “ _ Sea World  _ support needs to stop. If I was an orca, maybe I’d try to eat those motherfuckers too.”

 

“I didn’t say you weren’t serious.” Geoff defended himself. “I just didn’t know that over the years, your detachment of me was compensated through an attachment to killer whales.”

 

“Shut up!” Awsten laughed, splashing a large amount of water towards the brunet wildly. “For one, I did  _ not  _ do that, and two, they’re not  _ killer whales _ . They’re fucking orcas.”

 

“Yeah, yeah. Make me.”

 

“Make you what?” Awsten questioned, lost.

 

“Make me shut up, dumbass.” Geoff laughed, leaning forward slightly.

 

“That I can do.” Awsten said before he leaned in close to Geoff with a smile, before dunking him under the water unexpectedly. 

  
  



	11. Is Pink A Good Color? Discuss.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ao3 gets it first... like, a week first. anyways i have the last couple chapters almost pre-written and it’s making me sad that this fic’s almost over, but also happy.
> 
> comment if ya wanna!

The last few days of spring break were somewhat uneventful in perspective, and flew by fast. Soon enough, they had to return to school and get used to the regular schedule.

 

Awsten, Jawn and Otto were walking to class together as they always did. Jawn had ranted about how he’d broken his favorite camera lenses and Otto had mentioned that he had gone on a date with a girl in his geometry class by the name of Grace. Awsten didn’t mention that he had a crush on her in the 7th grade.

 

It was nice to be back in town — in Awsten’s opinion. California was  _ outstanding _ , and don’t get him wrong, he’d miss it like  _ hell _ , but it wasn’t home. It felt nice to get back into the swing of things.

 

“I’m bisexual.” Awsten stated as they reached Jawn’s classroom, formerly quiet. They were extra dearly, so they had time to talk before class started. Awsten’s internal dialogue decided it was now or never.

 

“So am I. You want an award?” Jawn responded, chuckling. He waved himself off. “Just kidding. That’s cool, Aws. I’m glad you figured yourself out.”

 

“Awesome, dude. Now you’ve got almost unlimited partner possibilities. That’s  _ sweet. _ ” Otto continued off Jawn’s statement, patting Awsten on the shoulder.

 

“Speaking of partners,” Jawn said teasingly, “How’re things with your man-crush? You didn’t update me much over break, asshole. Too busy with your face in a pillow?”

 

“Something like that. We’re, uh,” Awsten felt his face get hot, lowering his voice. Jawn and Otto shot him interested glances. “We’re together now. We’re actually going on a date…  _ today.  _ We kinda went on some in Cali, but we haven’t been on like, a  _ real  _ one till now. I’m kinda scared.”

 

“Holy shit. ‘Was gonna invite you to the skate park after school but I think that’s a little more important.” Otto’s eyes widened. “Good luck, man. You’ll be fine.”

 

“Yeah,” Jawn agreed, stepping closer to the door of his first period. “I gotta go, but you’ll be okay, dude. Don’t sweat it, just chill out.”

 

Awsten sighed as Jawn left and him and Otto continued to walk down the hall in content silence. Awsten wasn’t positive as to where his new elective was, but he knew it was going to be interesting. He tried to get into graphic design because he liked editing, but instead he was placed into art because the class he  _ wanted  _ was full.

 

Otto left to his class, and Awsten fended for himself and found the art room with time to spare before the bell would ring. It was kind of sad that he was a senior and hadn’t known where it was until now. He sat down at one of the few tables there, setting his bag on the ground.

 

His schedule had switched his biology class to second period instead of first, so he no longer had this class period with Geoff. Luckily though, Geoff’s schedule transferred him to second period bio as well, so they still shared that class in general. It  _ was  _ still unfortunate that Awsten didn’t get to see him first thing in the morning, though.

 

He fished a pencil out of the front pocket of his thrasher sweatshirt and set it on the table, sitting with his head resting on one of his hands upright. He spaced out until the stool beside him pulled out, and he briefly glanced over. It was Carter.

 

“Oh. Hey, dude.” Awsten said tiredly, his eyebrows raising as Carter put their own bag on the floor with a loud  _ thud.  _ “How was your break?”

 

Carter smiled softly, still obviously half asleep as they conversed at the table. “To be honest, pretty uneventful. Slept in, played video games, the  _ whole  _ shebang. How was the wondrous California? Your pretty face get sunburnt?”

 

Awsten beamed at the thought of California, the images of Geoff holding him, swimming in the ocean for the first time in years, walking downtown etc. filling his head, but tried to keep it on the down low. Carter was clearly still flirting with him and he really didn’t want them to freak out or anything.

 

Plus, he had an internalized fear of someone within the classroom hearing their conversation and being outed dramatically. “Not too bad.” He said simple. “Not Houston, though.”

 

“Yeah, I didn’t think Houston was on the west coast, but thanks for pointing that out.” Carter teased in return.

 

Awsten rolled his eyes, giving them a light push on their shoulder. “Shut up. How’s it feel to be back?”

 

“Neutral.” Carter nodded, visibly thinking. “Are you doing anything after school today? I really wanna see  _ Love, Simon  _ but I don’t wanna go alone.”

 

“I’m actually going with a couple’a friends.” Awsten shrugged, only half-lying. Geoff was his friend. Plus three letters. “Sorry, Cart. See if Court is down, maybe? Next movie, though? You’re fucking  _ on. _ ”

 

They nodded, smiling minimally although clearly disappointed. Awsten was thankful they were a decent, respectable person and replied kindly even though they were obviously a bit sad. “Yeah, yeah. Next time.”

 

“Anyways,” Awsten continued, “Do you have any idea how to draw a cube?”

 

———

 

Awsten looked in the mirror as he adjusted his t-shirt, pulling it down a little further over his black jeans. He still felt like something looked wrong or out of place. He ran a hand through his hair anxiously, internally screaming at himself for messing it up. He quickly tried to fix it, but his hair chose not to agree.

 

A polite knock on the door made him jump up. It was his mom, asking if she could come in. (As, generally, that was what knocking warned.) He grinded his teeth for a second before simply replying. “Uh, come in!”

 

His mom opened the door somewhat softly, holding a basket of laundry as she walked inside. “Sorry, I just figured-  _ oh.  _ You look handsome.”

 

Awsten paled. “Thanks.”

 

She quirked an eyebrow, looking Awsten up and down. “Where you going? A date?”

 

The purple haired boy froze as he made eye contact with his mom through the mirror. His heart beat quickened through his chest, and he felt tense. He felt so much more than just that, but it was  _ so  _ difficult to describe. His head was pounding but in an aching, fast-paced way and  _ was it even possible for your heart to beat this fast?  _ He physically felt sweat coming out of his pores.

 

“Yes.” He said anxiously.

 

“Oh, goody!” She responded happily, smiling widely and clapping her hands together excitedly. “Where’re you going?”

 

“Just, uh, dinner… And a movie…” Awsten continued, stalling a bit so she wouldn’t ask more questions. “Um, do I look okay? Be honest.”

 

“Hm,” She pondered, looking him up and down before nodding to herself. She dug through the laundry basket she’d just brought inside, tossing a shirt Awsten’s way. “Change into that.”

 

Awsten had, shockingly, caught it. He laughed slightly when he grasped it and looked down, inspecting it.

 

“Pink,” He said, tossing it between his hands. His head perked up, raising his eyebrows as he locked eyes with his mom, “Why?”

 

She shrugged. “It’s your color.”

 

———

 

Awsten climbed into Geoff’s car with a nervous smile on his face. Geoff simply smiled at him and  _ (politely)  _ checked him out. Geoff himself was wearing a blue t-shirt beneath a black flannel and black jeans, while Awsten wore his pink v-neck an a pair of black jeans as well.

 

“I feel underdressed.” Awsten stated as Geoff began to drive.

 

“You’re not, I’m just overdressed. We’re going to  _ Olive Garden.”  _ Geoff laughed. His eyes darted over to Awsten’s shirt, biting his own tongue before speaking.

 

“Pink.” Geoff stated in a questioning tone, although it wasn’t a question. His palms were noticeably sweaty from nervousness as well.

 

“Pink.” Awsten laughed, mocking him in response. “Kidding. Yeah, my mom says it’s my  _ color  _ ‘er whatever. I’m not too sure about that.”

 

“Damn, if you just said pink, I could’ve made a  _ pink is our ‘okay’  _ joke.” Geoff continued with a smile, checking his side mirror. “I gotta agree with her though, you look  _ bomb  _ in pink.”

 

“Thank you, but let me redo it, alright? I wanna be one of those cheesy couples.” Awsten turned his head away from Geoff before turning back around, touching his shoulder lightly. “ _ Pink?” _

 

“ _ Pink _ .” Geoff slightly turned to him, quirking an eyebrow. He was at a stoplight, so he pecked Awsten on the lips before they both broke out into laughter, pure and real and  _ nice. _

 

“Let’s agree to never do that again.” Awsten said as Geoff nodded. Somewhere inside him though, kind of hoped they would.

 

———

 

Awsten came home around 11pm, which was a bit later than his curfew surpassed. He had the feeling that his parents weren’t asleep quite yet, but he was  _ really  _ hoping that Geoff was his four-leaf clover. He crossed his fingers as he kissed Geoff’s cheek and climbed out of his beamer just in case.

 

It was cold outside in just his pink t-shirt and thin jeans, but he surprisingly didn’t mind it all that much. He decided that he liked the color after tonight.  _ Love, Simon  _ was outstanding and plus, he got to see a more emotional side to his boyfriend that he hadn’t gotten a glimpse of in a long time.

 

However, he was interrupted by a cough in the middle of the upstairs hallway. He was about halfway to his room’s door when he turned around and was greeted with his mom, standing in her robe with her arms crossed.

 

“ _ Awsten Constantine Knight,”  _ She threatened, pointing in his direction, “Why were you so late?”

 

A fun fact about Awsten was that although he and his family were on “ _ good _ ” terms, he  _ hated _ disappointing them in any way, which included their minimal rules, for the most part. They were pretty relaxed parents, so it was kind of intense when he did choose to defy them. This time, however, he didn’t mean to.

 

He sweated nervously. “I- uh, okay, so…” He glanced away, then back at her face, which simply gave him a blank stare.

 

“I’m bisexual.” He blurted our, physically releasing as his head caught on fire.  _ No, no, no, no, no, fuck. You fucked up, you fucked up you’re- _

 

“Okay,” She said, shrugging slightly and keeping her stare held. “Why were you late?”

 

“Wait,  _ what?  _ That’s all I get?  _ Okay?” _

 

“What do you want me to say? I’m fine with it. That’s your… your  _ thing,  _ I guess. You’re my son, I love you no matter what.” She responded simply. “Now, go on. Why were you late? We both just want to go back to bed.”

 

Awsten nodded, gulping. “Well, you see, the movie we saw…  _ Um, Geoff and I saw…”  _ Her eyes widened, “Went on longer than we thought. M’sorry.”

 

“Geoff, huh? Okay.” His mom responded. “How long have you two been together?”

 

Awsten blushed again. He needed to stop doing that so often. “Not very long. I, um, am sorry for being late, though.”

 

She nodded. “Fine, I’ll leave it at that for tonight. You’re off the hook this time, Mister. Just… don’t do it again.”

 

“M’kay, mom. Thanks.” Awsten smiled weakly, utterly exhausted and beginning to walk away. “G’night.”

 

She nodded, going the opposite way before speaking up, turning back around as if she’d just recalled something. “Oh, and  _ Awsten?” _

 

“Yeah?” He called back.

 

“Use protection.” She smiled in return.

 

“ _ Mom.” _

  
  



	12. Romeo & Juliet, But Without All The Death And Stuff

Two weeks later, Awsten and Geoff came out as a couple.

Not to the whole school,  _ god no,  _ if that were the case then Awsten might freak the  _ fuck  _ out. Just to the club in a small, secluded environment with s group of somewhat trusted people.

Alexa had already known. Geoff told her that they were together only a couple days after what would later be described as  _ the incident  _ over spread break. Her first reaction was self-described as shocked but somehow un-surprised. How that made sense, Geoff didn’t know. She had promised to stay quiet, though. She better have, because Geoff noticed her and Jack sitting  _ real  _ close lately.

“...Yeah, so, Awsten is… well, he can tell you, but… we’re together. Have been for a couple weeks now.” Geoff spoke after suggesting that he had a sort of announcement to make. The club’s heads turned to Awsten in near sync.

“I’m bisexual.” He spoke up, smiling as widely as he could manage. His face heated up a little bit as Geoff squeezed his hand. “I’m bi, and I’ve had kinda… a  _ struggle  _ with it, but I’m proud of it too.”

The room was silent for a second before bursting into a commotion of laugher, encouragement and various conversation.

“I knew it,” Nick laughed, pushing Awsten lightly in the chest. Awsten simply shook his head and laughed along. From the corner of his eye, he spotted Carter whispering something in Kortney’s ear before stepping out of the room. Awsten felt a tinge of sadness spread throughout his chest.

“I’ll be right back, babe,” He turned to Geoff and kissed his cheek before getting out of his seat. He elicited an  _ “oh, babe!?”  _ from Lynn. He laughed it off before exiting the classroom.

He ducked his head out of the door like a cartoon character, looking for Carter while gradually stepping outside completely. He was easily found, just leaning against a set of unused lockers, pondering in silence.

“Hey,” Awsten greeted him calmly, waving in the corner of their vision.”S’going on?” 

“...’Snothing.” Carter said simply, wiping a hand across their face and hiding it slightly. They brushed they hair with their hand for a second. “Why’d you come out here?”

“I came out here ‘cause you’re a damn  _ liar.”  _ Awsten said to them, a crooked smile on his face. He walked over to Carter and stood beside them. “You don’t have’ta lie to me. I can take it.”

“Okay.” They said, turning to Awsten. “I really thought you liked me.”

“I did.” Awsten said truthfully, shrugging. Carter gave him a questioning look. “I liked you, but… not as much as Geoff, I guess. I couldn’t realistically see us together. You’re more of a friend, you know?”

“Couldn’t you have at least told me? Been honest?” They asked in reply, eyes clearly more upset than they played it off to be.

“I could’ve and… I should’ve. I just didn’t want  _ this  _ to happen. I like being your friend, Cart.”

“Yeah, I know.” They admitted, a soft but insincere smile forming. It looked more like a line than anything. “Does he make you happy?”

“Very.” Awsten smiled, nodding slightly. He leaned back against the walls heavily. “He… makes me feel like it’s raining outside.”

“You hate the rain.” Carter stated.

“Yeah,” Awsten laughed, “But I like the smell afterwards. And the puddles. Also, I couldn’t resist the urge to make a blink-182 reference.”

Carter laughed, hard. “No hard feelings. I’ll just get over it. I’m glad you’re happy. Friends?”

“Fuck yes.” Awsten smiled widely. “He pulled Carter in for a tight hug. “Always.”

Once club was over, Awsten and Geoff rode the same bus home. They chatted off and on, as they weren’t the only ones on the bus and didn’t like the idea of anyone overhearing their conversations.

It was when they walked home that Geoff blurted something that Awsten wasn’t sure he could handle. 

“So… I got accepted into the University of California.” He said abruptly, immediately biting his lip when he realized he had said it.

“Oh.” Awsten visibly froze up, then continued to walk, stiffly and fast. He sighed, but passed it off as nothing. “What are you majoring in?”

“Awsten.” Geoff stated like it was a question, attempting to get him to slow down, to which he just walked quicker. He couldn’t see his face anymore.

“M’really happy for you.” Awsten mumbled in response, walking even quicker. Geoff caught up to him, deciding to touch his shoulder to get his attention further.

“ _ Awsten.” _

“Stop saying my name!” He shouted, turning around and facing Geoff in the middle of the street. Luckily, they were just on a neighborhood road that had minimal cars. Geoff could see now that he was tearing up a little bit. “You don’t get to do that! You don’t get to come back into my life, just to leave me again! That’s  _ bullshit!” _

“Aws, it’s not till later in the summer, it’s okay!” Geoff responded, breathing heavily. He stepped forward to console him, but was taken off guard when Awsten shoved him away.

“This couldn’t have fucking  _ waited?  _ Not even a little?” Awsten replied, his voice broken. “You… you couldn’t have broken up with me until you were about to leave, or after prom, or fucking  _ some other time?  _ Just a  _ little  _ longer?”

“Awsten, that’s not what I’m doing. I’m not breaking up with you.” The brunet stated confidently. Although he was still taken aback by Awsten’s physical force, he wasn’t going to fight back.

“Being a fucking fag has made me soft,  _ god.  _ I’m so stupid. Stop lying to me, asshole. This is your way of using me, you’re not really doing this because of distance, you’re doing this because I’m not good en-“

“Awsten, I would  _ never-“ _

“Let me fucking talk.” Awsten warned, raising one of his hands as warning, it shaking violently. He shook his head and ran it through his hair instead of doing anything idiotic. “You don’t get the chance to break up with me ‘cause I’m not good enough, or I’m not out enough, or whatever your  _ bullshit  _ excuse us. Not if I do it first.”

“Awsten, stop it!” Geoff yelled. He got up extremely close to Awsten, so their eyes were locked dead-on. “I’m saying I am not going anywhere! Not  _ really _ !”

“And I’m saying I don’t fucking believe you!” Awsten shouted in return.

Geoff ignored Awsten’s anger and grabbed him by the collar, pulling him in for a rough kiss on the lips. Awsten protested at first, but gave in after a couple seconds and wrapped his arms around his neck roughly, fingers kneading into Geoff’s skin through his shirt.

Geoff pulled away after a few moments. They stood there in the street with their forests touching for a few, breathing heavily and roughly.

“One kiss doesn’t fix everything, you know. You’re still going.” Awsten stated, voice still wavering.

“I am. But we’re not ending this. Not now, at the very least.” Geoff responded.

“I’m still fucking pissed at you.” Awsten said. He stood up straight again, gulping loudly. “I… I need space… and some time. Go home and do your thing, I’ll talk to you… whenever. I just can’t do this right now.”

“Okay.” Geoff nodded. He understood, and he waved a goodbye to Awsten as they both set off in various directions. He was giving Awsten the shortcut through the park; He’d just go around it. After a moment, he processed something. “Wait! Awsten!”

“What?” Awsten called back, about fifteen feet away.

“We’re, uh-“ He paused, “We’re still together! Right?”

“Yeah, Geoff. We’re still together.”

———

Awsten woke up at three in the morning on Friday night to a  _ thwack  _ on his window.

He’d been giving Geoff the silent treatment all day, and it had exhausted him thoroughly. He wasn’t sure why he just ignored all his problems instead of just discussing them, as that was likely an easier route than this. Maybe he was just stubborn, which overpowered pretty much  _ every  _ other factor.

Whatever weird  _ thwacking  _ noise that had woken him up repeated a few times, and was making him  _ really  _ paranoid. So, he got up out of the bed and went to the creator of the noise. Of course: The window.

Awsten shook his head, already knowing where this was going. He opened the window anyways, and  _ shit,  _ that rock  _ definitely  _ would’ve hit him or flew into his room, maybe  _ both _ if he didn’t have a screen.

The figure of Geoff was lit up by his garage door’s motion light, and he had a bucket of rocks in his hand.  _ Seriously, dude?  _ Awsten asked in his head. There was no way he was gonna give into the silent treatment now.  _ I just wanna go back to bed. _

Then again, he  _ was  _ thankful that it was just Geoff and not a shooter. In america, you could never be too sure.

Awsten turned on a lamp a couple feet away, on his desk. He came back to the window and sT by it with a blank face, waiting for Geoff to notice. He did almost immediately.

“Awsten! Babe, I wanna talk about something.” He called, somewhat quietly. Awsten would’ve assumed he was drunk or something if Geoff wasn’t just plain  _ weird.  _ He didn’t reply, just staring at him from above.

“I see how it is,” Geoff looked up and locked eyes with him. “I hope you know I had a plan for this situation. I came  _ prepared. _ ” Awsten’s eyes raised as Geoff turned around, coughing obnoxiously loudly (and hopefully into his elbow) before turning back around to face him.

“ _ Hello there,”  _ Geoff  _ yelled _ , no,  _ sang _ , at the very top of his lungs, “ _ —The angel from my nightmare,“ _

_ “Geoff—“  _ Awsten warned under his breath, but the guy in question was too busy attempting to break glass with his voice.

“ _ —background of the morgue—“ _

“Geoff!” Awsten stated blankly, at a midpoint in volume. Geoff noticed, but continued to sing for the pure reason of annoying the  _ fuck  _ out of his boyfriend.

“I’m sorry, did you say something?” He teased. “— _ Of darkness in the valley! We can—“ _

_ “Geoff!”  _ Awsten finally whisper-yelled, laughing slightly but muffling it as to not egg Geoff on.

“Yes, Awsten?” Geoff asked in his normal voice, but cheekily. He embraced his half smile and placed his hands on his hips, standing on his tippy toes proudly.

Awsten shook his head. “Shut  _ up _ .”

“Now that I have your attention,” Geoff smiled, ignoring Awsten’s threat as if this were his plan all along, “Can I ask you something?”

“You just did.” Awsten deadpanned.

Geoff rolled his eyes. “Are you going to prom?”

Awsten played along, faking a hardcore-thinking face. “I don’t know, Geoff. I don’t know. How about you.

“Well, I’m glad you asked, Mr Knight,” Geoff paced softly back and forth on the driveway, tucking his hands behind his back before facing Awsten once more. “Because my answer is:  _ Not  _ without you.”

Awsten nodded, blushing a little bit.  _ Fuck  _ Geoff. He was too good of a boyfriend, even when Awsten was being a total dick. “Is it a reach to assume that this is you asking?”

“And If that assumption  _ were  _ correct, your answer would be…” Geoff asked in a questioning tone, quirking up an eyebrow that Awsten could likely not even see in the dark.

“I believe my answer would be…  _ fuck yeah.”  _ The purple-haired boy smiled dreamily in response, melting from the inside out because  _ he  _ was supposed to be the one showing up at Geoff’s window with flowers and a promposal and forgiveness, but Geoff was just  _ that  _ good and beat him to it. They were straight out of a teen movie and Awsten was in fucking  _ love  _ with the idea of it, even if they were messier and more awkward and it wasn’t  _ all  _ unicorns and rainbows.

“Cool.” Geoff replied simply, a dopey smile on his face as well.

“Question, though: Why’d you choose to go this route? And why the  _ hell  _ couldn’t this wait until morning?” Awsten laughed, running a hand through his already messy hair.

“Romance, I think. Romeo and Juliet and all that shit.” Geoff said. He pointed in the air matter-of-factly. “It’s always more romantic at night, you know.”

“Hmm… Nah. We’re not thirteen, or dying, and I’m not a chick. You’re just using that as an excuse for being lazy.” Awsten replied factually. “But it’s okay, ‘cause I was going to do the same. I’m still pissed at you, though.”

Geoff laughed. “Can I come inside and, er… make it up to you? It’s cold out here.”

“Sure, Romeo. Assuming you have your house key. Just don’t wake my parents up.”

“I think you’re gonna have more trouble with that than me.”

“ _ Geoff _ .”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	13. Dance, Dance

**_May 5th, 2018._ **

Prom came pretty quickly, shockingly. They'd spent a couple weeks in preparation mode, and it was kind of weird that it was finally here. It being a sort of symbol that soon, the past twelve years of their lives would become blurs and they'd become functioning members of society.

Geoff showed up to Awsten's house in his  _Goodwill_ -bought tux around 6:30pm, holding a corsage in one of his hands. Awsten reluctantly put it on, and when his mom noticed them discussing whatever subject by the front door, she looked like she was going to cry.

She made them take just about a thousand pictures together, forcing them into a variety of poses and directing them on exactly what to do. At one point, Awsten got tired of it and did the exact opposite of her 172nd idea, sticking his tongue out messily and threatening to lick Geoff's face with it if she didn't let them stop taking photos and just leave instead.

_"I'll lick his face, mom. I'll do it!"_   
_"Awsten Constantine, you wouldn't dare."_   
_"You know I would."_

They did eventually get to step outside, because Geoff used the excuse of having to pick up a large group of people in his mom's mini van as an excuse.

They weren't boujie enough for a limo, so Geoff's mom insisted that instead of just meeting them there, he drive her van and pick them all up. The prom " _squad_ " as Awsten referred to it as consisted of Nick, Alexa, Westen, Jack, and of course, Awsten and Geoff. Carter and Kortney were skipping to get fucked up in Carter's basement, and Otto had his own date, so they all decided to group together.

They didn't leave Awsten's house until Geoff washed his face, and Awsten gave Geoff a bouquet of flowers that were self-picked from his mom's garden. AKA their backyard.

_"You see, it's more romantic that way."_   
_"Bullshit," Geoff mocked, "You're just using it as an excuse to be lazy."_

Awsten tried not to think about how this wouldn't last very long and soon, Geoff would be across the fucking country in less than four months as they all screamed the lyrics to  _In Too Deep_  by  _Sum-41_  and drove to the dance. He was actually pretty anxious to dance in front of Geoff, though, as Geoff did theater and therefore was probably  _way_  better at dancing than him.

The only coordination Awsten had had long since been used for skateboarding. Then again, he hadn't skated in awhile and it's not like Geoff was a triple threat or anything. That Awsten knew of, anyways.

Prom was a good thing, though. That's what all the movies said.

It just sucked that Awsten and Geoff couldn't dance to a slow song together. They  _could_ , realistically, but Awsten was a self-admitted pussy and wasn't willing to come out yet. Obviously, most people wouldn't mind it, and he'd only gotten positive feedback from those who he had come out to, but the fear of his still stood tall.

Sure, Awsten used to skateboard in the halls and he talked back to teachers, but one of his biggest fears was public humiliation. If it were to just affect himself, and was through his expression only, sure it would be  _whatever_. But something about letting a huge crowd of people gawk at one of the most intimate parts about himself, one of the most happy relationships _(platonic or not)_ that he'd ever had made him beyond uncomfortable.

He wouldn't just be affecting himself; He'd make waves that'd pull his family, Geoff, and anyone else who was so much as associated with him under the water to drown, too.

So, as Geoff and him aggressively danced to  _Party Rock Anthem_  together, he reminded himself of that.

"I'm gonna go to the bathroom." Geoff stated over the music, pausing his dancing.

"Okay!" Awsten called over the loud sounds as well. "I'm gonna go get some of the shitty punch. I wonder if anyone's spiked it yet."

They took off their desperate ways. Awsten noticed Nick and Westen dancing together freely, and he felt a pang of jealousy ring through his chest. He wished that he had the guts to do that as well.

Geoff was probably pretty annoyed with him. Awsten had been unintentionally isolated throughout the night, and was very sensitive to touch, at all. He felt bad for being overly anxious, but he couldn't help it. He was seriously envying his friends right now, even if Nick was on a lot of bars at the moment.  _(Tolerance break? Who were they kidding?)_

Awsten spotted Jawn across the punch table, discussing something with Inigo from the club. They must've had a class together too, or something. Their conversation seemingly ended as soon as Awsten neared them, Inigo giving Jawn a fist-bump before disappearing into the crowd.

"Hey, man," Awsten greeted, giving him a hand-shake-hug and patting him on the back. "Where've you been all night? I've been looking for you."

Jawn laughed, shaking his head. "Eh, here and there. Where've you been? Dancing with your boyfriend?"

Awsten blushed, and ignored the anxiety that came from the use of  _boyfriend_  in public. He didn't say anything about it. "Yeah, yeah. S'been fun. Too bad it's kinda-almost over."

"You're right, I guess. It's kind of boring for me, to be honest." Jawn responded, taking a sip from his punch. "Everyone hypes up senior prom, and don't get me wrong, it's pretty cool and all, but... It's not  _everything_ , you know?"

"I guess." Awsten shrugged. "I'm having fun."

The fluorescent red-head nudged him in the shoulder suggestively. "That's 'cause you're in  _looove_  and stuff. I'm a lone wolf, motherfucker."

Awsten scoffed, feeling his face heat up once more. " _Love_  is a very strong, powerful word for it.  _Extreme like_ , maybe. Yeah, that's what I'm in. I'm in extreme like with him."

"I took you for many things, but I didn't take you for a liar, Knight." Jawn shot back, wiping one of his hands on his own jacket. "I see the way you look at him, dude. You're in  _deep_."

"I am not." Awsten side-eyed him as a pair of hands covered his eyes from behind.

"You're not what?" A voice obviously connected to the pair of hands, AKA Geoff asked.

"An idiot, like you." Awsten laughed, trying to escape Geoff's blockers of his vision, but to no avail. Geoff took his hands away and although he really wanted to put them on Awsten's hips or wrap them around his stomach, he didn't. He instead put his elbow on Awsten's shoulder and leaned on him slightly. He turned his head to look at his boyfriend.

"That's not very nice." He said. He glanced back at Jawn. "Hey man, what's up?"

"Oh,  _nothing_. Just hanging out, y'know." Jawn replied, sharing a knowing glance with Awsten. Awsten shot a look at him that  _directly_  stated  _'don't you fucking dare.'_

Geoff looked away for a moment, glancing over at the crowd of people dancing. Jawn took that chance to mouth ' _young kids, in love,_ ' and Awsten silently replied with a surprisingly threatening pointer finger across his own neck.

"Wanna go dance?" Geoff asked out of the blue, randomly turning back in Awsten's direction and locking eyes with him. "Don't worry, we don't have'ta hardcore grind or anything. It'll be a total downer once they announce prom king and queen, so we might as well take advantage of some solid tunes while there's no tension in the air."

" _Solid tunes_? G, they're playing  _gucci gang_."

"I meant what I said. At least you'll know all the lyrics." Geoff said simply. He lifted his elbow off of Awsten's shoulder and instead reached down to grip Awsten's hand with the intention of ( _platonically_ ) pulling him into the crowd. Awsten's hand immediately retracted, to which he just smiled and nodded awkwardly, waving a goodbye to Jawn as he followed Geoff into the crowd anyways.

Jawn just shook his head, taking a sip of his most likely spiked punch.

After a couple of energetic songs that pretty much everyone in the area knew the words to, Awsten had an epiphany.

"Photos. Prom photos. We gotta take one." He said randomly, taking Geoff off guard.

"Oh, yeah." The brunet responded, nodding. He had learned not to show PDA with Awsten tonight because it made him really uncomfortable, so he instead began walking toward the booth in the corner and motioned for his boyfriend to follow him. Awsten nodded along, following him to the back of the line, which surprisingly wasn't too long.

"What do you wanna do our pose as?" Geoff asked, looking around. Their prom theme was lost in space, and so there were just about a  _billion_  aluminum stars hanging from the ceiling that glimmered in the odd lighting.

"I dunno," Awsten said and looked around the surrounding area before his eyes landed on a random box of props, most of which people didn't use — because  _romance_  and all that shit. "I have... an  _idea_."

Geoff's eyes wandered over to the box that Awsten's eyes were locked on. "Awsten," He warned, " _No_."

Awsten glanced back at Geoff, talking in a serious tone paired with his best puppy eyes. " _Baby_ , they have clout goggles. Yes."

As they stood near the back of the venue, waiting for prom 'royalty' to be announced, Awsten stared at the photo in his hands. In front of a space background was Geoff standing at a slight angle, facing the camera with, yes, clout goggles on. His ring and middle finger were down with a tough look on his face.

Awsten was about the same, face and hand-position wise, however he was crouched down in a spider-man like form beside Geoff, his arms crossed and both his hands doing a backwards  _I Love You_  sign.

That picture conveyed just about anything  _but_  love. That, or the truest form of it — it was up to whoever was viewing it to decide.

"This is so superficial," Geoff said, taking a sip of the punch he'd gotten and shaking his head. "It's always done straight, white couple that won because they're most popular. Obviously popular doesn't mean  _bad_ , in fact most people are popular because they're nice, but a lot of the time the winners are those who cheat the system and fake their kindness."

" _Someone's_  grumpy they didn't campaign for king." Awsten responded with a laugh, wanting to note Geoff's shakespearean-like tone, but simply took the drink from Geoff's hands and chugged some himself instead.

The brunet scoffed. "I am  _not_. I just—"

_"In a shocking turn of events, your prom king this year is Geoff Wigington. Geoff Wigington, could you please come on stage and accept your crown?"_

Dead silence. Geoff would've dropped his punch if he still had it. His eyes widened as Awsten stood beside him, equally as shocked.

"Go ahead, I guess," Awsten laughed, "Congrats, prom king." He continued before pulling Geoff into a tight hug, to which Geoff stayed in shock for a moment before reciprocating the hug, that bring their first form of PDA of the night.

Geoff pulled away for a moment, smiling and waving bye to Geoff as he raced through the crowd, heading towards the stage.

Awsten wasn't sure how this had happened. He was proud of his boyfriend.  _Really_  proud. He was just nervous, seeing as Geoff was going to have to dance with someone else. He had to be the supportive, kind,  _best friend_  that he just... wasn't.

_"Give it up for Geoff Wigington, your prom king!" The crowd cheered. Awsten smiled._

Okay, that was slight lie, the whole best friend thing. Geoff was the number one receiver of his love and support, even in a non-romantic form. Awsten could just get jealous, as everyone else did. They were more than just supportive, kind best friends, though. Obviously. Well, hopefully not obviously to the rest of the school.

_"Now, give it up for your prom queen..."_

Hopefully it'd be another plot twist, like Alexa or someone else that he was cool with. Either way though, he trusted Geoff not to get too handsy. It was just one dance, and it wasn't like Geoff even liked girls anyways.

_"Awsten Knight?"_

The whole room went silent.

Awsten's breath caught in his throat.

Well, at least he wasn't jealous anymore.


	14. A Finale, Of Sorts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it really b the final huh (besides an epilouge!) go show user realmsoffreedom some massive LOVE bc this chapter wouldn't be here without her helping me type it up!

Awsten was  _ pretty _ sure he was going to have a panic attack. He’d never actually had a panic attack, but he imagined that this is exactly what it felt like.

His breathing was heavy, and so was his chest in general.  _ Everything  _ was weighted. It felt rough, jagged, like someone could tap him on the shoulder and be cut by his sharp edges. At the same time, he felt as if the same touch could shatter him into a million different pieces.

He refused to be fragile, resisted his natural instinct to cry in front of  _ holy shit all of his senior class is here and they have their phones out, they’re practically getting embarrassed  _ **_for_ ** _ him, he’s a public embarrassment, he’s a failure he’s a-  _ **_no._ **

Awsten deals with it head on. Despite feeling like there’s weights attached to his ankles, he drags his feet across the floor. He pushes through the crowd of people,  _ there’s so many people,  _ and he steps onto the stage.

He stares out onto the hundreds of kids,  _ curse living in a bigger city,  _ and he had a smile on his face. It’s not genuine, but they don’t know that. To them, he’s  _ beaming.  _ They don’t know he’s ready to jump off this stupid fucking stage and hope he gets a major leg injury or breaks his neck.

He keeps the false smile on his face as there’s dead silence, as Geoff is wide-eyed beside him.  _ He  _ knows the smile is fake and he knows Awsten is going to break down any second, and as the  _ queen’s  _ crown is placed on his head, he wants nothing but to squeeze his boyfriend’s hand and tell him it’s going to be just  _ fine. _

However, he can’t. Now isn’t the time, nor the setting. 

“Are there any, uh, words you would like to say? A few thank-yous?” The principal,  _ classic  _ Charbonneau asks, who Geoff is well aware Awsten  _ despises.  _ He adjusts his stupid  _ fucking  _ bolo tie before gesturing towards the microphone centered at the edge of the middle of the stage.

Awsten smiles even wider. It’s  _ sneakily  _ wider _.  _ He has something planned. What that plan is? Geoff is unsure.

“Yes, actually,” Awsten states loudly, a slightly edge to his voice as he walks up to the mic. It’s something beyond intense. His knees are jelly, his body is shaking, there’s phone cameras on him from literally  _ every  _ angle. The air feels thick, like a wool sweater that covers every inch of his body.

He coughs loudly,  _ obnoxiously  _ loudly, into his fist which the mic very clearly picks up. After, he says two words, and two words only. He states them monotonically and bluntly. These two words say  _ everything. _

_ “Ahem.  _ Fuck you.”

Then he runs off the stage, crown, sash, and all.

 

———

Geoff runs after him immediately, despite the staff’s protest. He feels hundreds of eyes, and cameras, on him as he runs out of the gym and through the halls. Awsten isn’t in any of the surrounding ones. 

Geoff discovers him outside the main office, and his arms are above his head as he sobs, facing the wall and aggressively kicking it. If he’s not more careful, he’ll hurt himself, but Geoff understands and lets him vent. He needs it, and if he’s in immense pain, he’ll most likely stop.

Geoff stays quiet and faces away as to not stare and anger him further. He won’t be like this for long. He just needs to let it all out. 

The brunette allows him to. Once his anger is clearly a bit subdued, he gets closer and mumbles “It’s Geoff,” under his breath so Awsten doesn’t freak out. He comes up behind him, wrapping his hands around his waist and pressing a kiss to the side of his forehead before resting his head on his shoulder. 

Awsten doesn’t feel like talking at that moment, so Geoff does it for him. “Baby, it’ll be fine. It’s  _ okay.” _

Awsten simply shifts, turning around in Geoff’s grasp and hugs him. Tightly, like he’s trying to break bones. His breathing itself is broken and shallow, and his movements are weak. He sobs violently yet lifelessly into Geoff’s chest, neck, shoulder even — they’re standing there for what feels like eternity, just hugging each other tightly and crying, that they lose track of how many times they’ve adjusted.

Awsten’s very clearly uncomfortable crying in front of anyone else, but he can’t stop so he continues to sob despite his internal conflict. After God knows how long, Awsten mumbles something into Geoff’s chest, arms wrapped around his chest and Geoff’s in Awsten’s hair and on his back. 

“What was that?” Geoff asks, still holding the boy tightly to him.

Awsten moves his head to the side, free of anything blocking his mouth now. He’s still in Geoff’s arms. “I said,” He takes a deep breath, “I said I’m in love with you and I  _ really  _ don’t want you to fucking leave.”

Geoff unwraps his arms, making Awsten slightly anxious. He instead moves his hands to cup both sides of Awsten’s jaw and pulls him in for a kiss. It’s not like anything they’ve done before, in some way. It’s still kissing each other, but somehow, it’s enhanced. Geoff didn’t know it was possible before this moment, but it’s even  _ better. _

After a moment  _ (he has to keep it chaste) _ Geoff pulls away, but he still cradles Awsten’s jaw. Their foreheads are connected, and their breathing is heavy. It seems like everything is fine when Geoff says “I love you, too.”

He comes crashing down when he continues with “But I have to go. It’ll be okay. We’ll be fine.”

He kisses Awsten’s forehead and Awsten doesn’t protest. He wants everything to be okay, even if they both know it’s not going to be. His assurances are clearly not only trying to convince Awsten, but himself as well. 

Geoff moves his hands so that they were interlocked with Awsten’s. Awsten gripped back, squeezing tightly in hope of re-assurance. They stand there for a bit in silence before deciding to go for a drive in the car. Geoff sends a group text to everyone he’s driven and tells them they’ll be back in about an hour, to pick them up. They’re all supposed to go to dinner afterwards but Geoff isn’t sure where Awsten stands on that yet, so he doesn’t mention it.

When Geoff started the car, Awsten speaks, “Where are we going?”

Geoff shrugged, backing up the car, “I don’t know yet, but I figure you want to get away.”

Awsten grabbed the aux cord and plugged it into his phone, playing a playlist that Geoff had made for him. They both smiled softly when  _ Bastard In Love  _ by  _ Black Flag  _ came on, but stayed quiet. 

They drove around for what felt like forever, but in reality it was only about a half hour. They’d driven through the city, which was gorgeous, but now they were on the backroads of Houston, more secluded and private than the city: The same effect of nostalgia with less people and less bright lights.

Don’t get anything in your head, though: They were  _ just _ driving. They felt the need to have a night of just them, secluded from everybody else for just a little bit. To stay, residing in their own bubble for even a short time.

Suddenly, they reached a small bridge that was built over a shallow creek, and Geoff stopper ed the car in the middle of it. Awsten immediately turned to him with a concerned look, but Geoff was calm.

“Why’re we stopped?” Awsten asked, looking around the area. “You gonna murder me and bury my body here or somethin’?”

“Nah.” Geoff responded, grabbing Awsten’s phone and scrolling along the playlist until he landed on a song he found suitable. “Just realized we never had our  _ royal dance, _ or whatever.”

“You want our,” Awsten lifted his hands, emphasizing quotes with them, “‘ _ royal _ ’ dance to be to  _ Josie _ by  _ Blink-182? _ ”

“Yep.” Geoff said bluntly. He turned the music up way louder than it needed to be. He got out of the car quickly, and gestured for Awsten to do the same (which he did.)

_ Yeah, my girlfriend takes me home when I’m too drunk to drive… _

Awsten left his door wide open so they could hear the music clearly, walking to the sidewalk of the bridge. “I’m just warning you, I can’t dance for shit.”

“Oh, c’mon.” Geoff laughed. “Nah, just kidding. I can’t either.”

_ She laughs at my dumb jokes just because… _

Geoff put his hands on Awsten’s waist and Awsten places his hands around Geoff’s neck. They got closer, and rather than dance fastly like what you would expect from an upbeat song, they did what everyone in literally every teen movie ever did: They slow danced, laughing loudly at one another’s messy movements. Awsten wasn’t kidding when he said he didn’t know how to dance.

_ I don’t think she needs me, quite half as much as I know I need her.. _

It was from this point on that Geoff started half-singing along, but using male pronouns instead. Awsten laughed along, moving in circles slowly as they danced around. It was lighthearted, and the crown that was still placed atop Awsten’s head kept falling - so did Geoff’s. They laughed together and avoiding awkwardness, as best as they could, despite being generally awkward teenagers.

Geoff twirled Awsten, to which he protested and his “ _ tiara _ ” fell off his head, but they kept going. Awsten began singing along. 

_ I know that everything, I know that everything, I know that everything… _

Everything’s gonna be fine.

…

Awsten wasn’t normally one to avoid his problems. He planned on showing up to class first thing in the morning, holding hands tightly with Geoff. 

Key words:  _ Planned _ to. That was before he walked into the school early on Monday and was immediately greeted by the principal. Turns out, despite the circumstances, his “ _ choice words _ ” at prom had gotten him suspended. For three days. The principal hated him, and he’d said the words in front of like, twenty different sets of grandparents, and the head of the school board was there to supervise for some reason, and so they decided to give him extreme punishment. 

Stupid assholes. Awsten and Geoff could just make their grand entrance on Thursday, and he wasn’t in trouble with his parents. They were upset that he’d gotten suspended, but didn’t punish him further being the emotional turmoil, so to speak, was pretty intense that night.

As for their gesture re-scheduled to Thursday, they did execute.. It was simple, but it made a statement: whatever rumors, or suspicions they’d believed about Awsten, were true. Or, mostly true. Just the ones that drove them to pill the stunt at prom.

Holding hands walking through the halls felt like a new beginning, almost: A blank, but somehow still colorful canvas. Their faces lit up, and they walked one another to classes throughout the day, and they briefly kissed goodbye. It was all they needed to do.

When they sat in that room after school, holding hands and talking to some of their closest friends (Otto and Jawn decided to visit for the day as emotional support, or whatever) they felt mutual emotions which hadn’t been thriving for a long time: content, happy,  _ safe _ .

And although they were sure that pure chaos was yet to come they simply held hands and enjoyed each other’s presence in the meantime. That was what love was about anyways, right?

———

Otto leant towards Jawn, lowering his voice as he stood close to his ear. “You don’t think they’ve figured out Grace is in ASB, right?”

Jawn leaned in, furrowing his eyebrows. He glanced over at them, happy as ever. He leaned in even more. “ _ No way.” _

  
  



	15. Epilouge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> send any qs about this fic to everyparxsongisgay on tumblr. xoxo.

Awsten laughed as the bump of the car messed him up, shaking his hands further. “Oh! Oh,  _ god! _ ”

“What?” Geoff asked as Awsten’s eyes widened, laughing softly under his breath so he didn’t mess up Awsten’s artistry even more.

“There- there’s purple paint on your nose!” He laughed, wiping off his hands on a paper towel in his lap before grabbing his phone out of a sling-bag he had hanging off his shoulder. “Hold on, I want you to see!”

“Awsten, I’m  _ driving.”  _ Geoff said simply, glancing at his boyfriend briefly from the corner of his vision. 

Awsten swiped to his phone camera, holding it up to Geoff’s face and taking a picture as Geoff glanced over, smiling widely. He snapped it quickly, not wanting him to be distracted for too long. 

“Fine, you can look later. But hold on, I can fix it.” The purple-haired boy responded. He licked the tip of his thumb and dragged it over Geoff’s nose.

“That’s gross.” The brunet commented, which Awsten completely ignored. He instead fixed the paint before putting his dollar tree paint set in the seats behind them, which were anything but empty. However, what they were filled by wasn’t people.

It gave him a heavily bittersweet feeling, seeing all the suitcases Geoff had stacked in the back seat. On one hand, he was proud of Geoff: He was going to the school of his dreams and setting up a life for himself in California, one of his favorite places in the world.

One the other hand though, he  _ was  _ doing it alone. Yes,  _ completely.  _ They’d mutually agreed that Geoff should take on college alone, because Awsten was already going to a community college in Houston, and therefore wasn’t tagging along, and the long distance between them most likely wouldn’t work out. They both depended heavily on physical affection, and maybe the mature thing would be to just let it go.

In all honesty, there was no word to describe the way Awsten felt other than completely fucking  _ heartbroken.  _ He didn’t want Geoff to go, he really just wanted to cling onto him for dear life and never let go. He wanted to hold on tighter and tighter and kiss him everywhere, and keep his grasp until his flight had long passed and he’d be forced to stay, for even just a little longer. However, they were adults now: Awsten was eighteen, and Geoff was turning nineteen in a month. They had to do the mature thing, even if it hurt like absolute hell.

Today was their last day together. Geoff had already said his goodbyes to his family, and so he and Awsten were going to attend this event together and then Awsten would drop him off at the airport, and that’d be it. He got to keep Geoff’s car as well, which made it sting just a little bit more. Obviously they were still going to be friends after this all was over, but it wouldn’t be the same. Nowhere near it. They both knew that.

Despite it, though, today  _ was  _ going to be happy. They were going to continue to pretend that in a few hours, Awsten wasn’t going to drop Geoff off at the airport, for him to fly across the country, hundreds of miles away. He was  _ not  _ going to sob in his arms and kiss him over and over and tell him how in love he is right now, and he’s  _ not  _ going to tell him that Houston isn’t home without at least catching a slight glance of him everywhere he goes. He’s not going to be one of those sappy, fucking  _ stupid  _ people who are so desperately in love that they beg their partner not to leave.

He’s  _ not.  _ Or at least, he tells himself that.

“You ready for your first ever pride parade?” Geoff asks as he parks, smile lines accentuating when he turns to Awsten. The rainbow-colored rectangles on the apples of his cheeks compliment Geoff’s wide eyes well. In Awsten’s opinion, better than the pink/purple/blue pattern complimented his own eyes. Looking at Geoff, beaming as if it was just another casual day together, he thought he’d never seen anyone so positive under pressure.

  
Awsten played along, smiling widely and leaning over to squeeze Geoff’s hand. “Of course. Houston better watch the  _ fuck  _ out.”


End file.
